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Archive for July 12th, 2009

Hot Is The Forecast

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I’ve haven’t read it in the paper or seen it on television, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is I know. What do I know? There have been some seriously crooked and evil real estate deals going down in the Midwest.


I want to blame it on the economy, but I know it’s the greed of man that’s at fault. Although I can’t prove it, I’m sure that someone has been selling off everything not nailed down to Lucifer himself. How do I know? Because it’s hotter than Hell.


The five day forecast is 100, 101, 102, 102, and 101. The weather person said the forecast was “hot”. OK, I didn’t go to meteorologist college, but even I know that “hot” isn’t a forecast. It’s a description of the temperature.


Today I built a staircase out of humidity and climbed all the way to Heaven and socked God on the nose.

“How could you make it so hot?” I screamed.

“I didn’t.” God replied.

“Well, it’s 300 degrees outside. I’ve been cooking my breakfast on the sidewalk all week.” I presented as evidence.

“That sounds fun.” God smiled.

Frustrated, I through up my hands and walked off. As I left God said, “Oh by the way. You ever sock me in the nose again and I’ll turn you inside out.” I apologized and went back home. The heat was getting to me.


For some reason extreme heat makes sitting in a kiddie pool filled with ice cream completely reasonable and immaterial to your reputation as a sane adult.


Sitting in a freezer may be refreshing, but the air runs out quicker than you ever imagine.


I hate shopping, but from late May to mid October I have no problem spending the entire day walking around the air conditioned mall. My wife has never been happier.


It’s so hot, my toupee melted to my skull. So now it seems like I have real fake hair. Thanks Mr. Sun!


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster