Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Hot Is The Forecast

with 13 comments

I’ve haven’t read it in the paper or seen it on television, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is I know. What do I know? There have been some seriously crooked and evil real estate deals going down in the Midwest.

 

I want to blame it on the economy, but I know it’s the greed of man that’s at fault. Although I can’t prove it, I’m sure that someone has been selling off everything not nailed down to Lucifer himself. How do I know? Because it’s hotter than Hell.

 

The five day forecast is 100, 101, 102, 102, and 101. The weather person said the forecast was “hot”. OK, I didn’t go to meteorologist college, but even I know that “hot” isn’t a forecast. It’s a description of the temperature.

 

Today I built a staircase out of humidity and climbed all the way to Heaven and socked God on the nose.

“How could you make it so hot?” I screamed.

“I didn’t.” God replied.

“Well, it’s 300 degrees outside. I’ve been cooking my breakfast on the sidewalk all week.” I presented as evidence.

“That sounds fun.” God smiled.

Frustrated, I through up my hands and walked off. As I left God said, “Oh by the way. You ever sock me in the nose again and I’ll turn you inside out.” I apologized and went back home. The heat was getting to me.

 

For some reason extreme heat makes sitting in a kiddie pool filled with ice cream completely reasonable and immaterial to your reputation as a sane adult.

 

Sitting in a freezer may be refreshing, but the air runs out quicker than you ever imagine.

 

I hate shopping, but from late May to mid October I have no problem spending the entire day walking around the air conditioned mall. My wife has never been happier.

 

It’s so hot, my toupee melted to my skull. So now it seems like I have real fake hair. Thanks Mr. Sun!

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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13 Responses

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  1. The heat’s getting to both of us. I wrote about the same thing today, but yours was much more colorful and written in true Rooster style. And yours will be replaced with a new blog tomorrow and mine will linger over there for at least a week, much like the million degrees hanging around outside.

    Claire Collins

    July 12, 2009 at 5:20 am

    • Claire Collins, so we’re on the same cycle now? Blogging phenomenon!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 13, 2009 at 3:07 am

      • Should one of us be afraid?

        Claire Collins

        July 13, 2009 at 3:17 am

        • Claire Collins, one of should be afraid and excited, while the other is excited and scared. You may chose which you’d like to be.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          July 13, 2009 at 3:29 am

          • Wow, It’s nice of you to let me choose. I think I’ll take…hmmm.. Excited and scared. I can already feel my heart thumping faster.

            Claire Collins

            July 13, 2009 at 3:59 am

  2. You know Al Gore is going to want to quote you directly…

    fundamentaljelly

    July 12, 2009 at 5:25 am

    • fundamentaljelly, don’t you mean he’ll take credit for thinking it up himself and say that I was quoting him?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 13, 2009 at 3:08 am

  3. As I was just telling Claire, It’s that hot here as well, but with no AC. It’ll make you crazy. But Dude; really man, don’t go smacking God. You got to try to take him to the ground. His stand up is phenomenal. He’s trained with the very best mind you. His Muay Thai is sick, don’t fuck with it. If you can take him to the ground and pass guard, you may be able to get an arm lock or a heel hook. He may take your back though, and land the rear naked choke, so watch that to. Just so you know the bookies aren’t liking you in this one. Can you say 8 million to 1 odds.

    Scott Oglesby

    July 12, 2009 at 8:33 am

    • Scott Oglesby, I can say 8 million to 1. Give me 20 on God. I appreciate the fighting tips though. God also has a pretty wicked Mahi Mahi.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 13, 2009 at 3:10 am

  4. Getting on God’s bad side already, RR? I think it’s just his sick sense of humor as stated by noted theologians, Depeche Mode.

    As far as I can tell from growing up religious, God hates to be questioned, doubted or held responsible for His actions. He also hates having his sense of humor questioned. Or the inference that He has a “sick” sense of humor. Or the inference that He’s humorless.

    Watch your back (soon to be your front), RR.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    July 12, 2009 at 2:23 pm

  5. I really do think it is the heat that makes people crazy…add some humidity…and forget it. I’d take the dry heat – any day.

    Jessica

    July 12, 2009 at 2:35 pm


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