Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Bugs Need to Talk With Birds

with 20 comments

I just got off the road from a long highway travel via my automobile. I was driving along the back roads of America, the ol’ two lane highway, or as my grandpa use to call them, the “Chicken Expressway”. We use to think that was pretty funny, until the accident.

 

When I pulled up in the driveway and got out to walk inside the house I noticed the flying insect massacre or abstract bug-gut painting on the front of my car. Now it’s not that I don’t appreciate modern art, but this was a little too much. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been as annoyed by this mass act of suicide had I not spent the weekend before meticulously scrubbing the grill of my car with my brother-in-law’s toothbrush.

 

It’s gettin’ to be where I almost don’t want to drive my car anymore, as though something always wants to “spread” itself over the front of my car. Unfortunately it’s never a Swedish, biker, model, Greek goddess of amorous pleasure. Although I’d bet her guts would be the harder to wash off.

 

This is what I want, for the birds of the world to sit down with the insects of the world and have “a talk”. Here are the topics I’d like them to go over.

 

1-     Birds to Bugs: If you fly in the 10’ to 15’ (or higher) airspace above the ground you can avoid being killed by the giant metal beasts moving at alarming speeds.

2-     Bugs to Birds: Take your waste product to a place that no one will know where it went. On the hood, across the windshield and especially on door handles is unacceptable and on a shoulder could yield “poisonous seed”.

3-     Birds to Bugs: Stay away from hairless ape’s ears and food. That’s a good way to get killed.

4-     Bugs to Birds: If you continue to rely on “feeders”, trash cans and old people in the park you won’t be able to sustain life after the “white flash” that claims the hairless apes of the world.

 

There could be other discussions, perhaps a short Q and A and of course refreshments. It doesn’t have to be as stuffy or rigid as I’ve made it out to be. It could be a good time had for all.

 

I just think it would help us all out if the “flying things” of the world got it a little more together.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was of course a library, (I know too easy).

Congratulations to Claire, Scott and Fundamentaljelly for being so smart and crafty.

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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20 Responses

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  1. Always nice to get my Sunday Rooster reading in!

    I have a riddle for you,

    Q: What’s the first thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?

    A: It’s ass.

    Sorry… But I hadn’t thought of it in years.

    The answer to your riddle is, of course, black strap molasses.

    Seriously, I have no idea…

    alantru

    August 3, 2009 at 4:12 am

    • alantru, I’m honored that you have rooster reading at all. I can’t believe I didn’t get the chance to answer the riddle… not that it’d matter, I would have gotten it wrong. I’m just not very good at riddles. I’ll put you down for “BSM”, (that sounds so kinky) and “I have no idea”.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 4, 2009 at 3:01 am

  2. Boy would I like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!

    Here’s what I don’t understand; Scientists say that we accidentally eat 5lb’s of bugs a year. How the fuck would they study something like that? Does a scientist stay with one person all year, using a lint trap type of devise in the back of the person’s throat? Do they stay awake all night waiting to catch the odd insect fly into the nose or mouth. I’ll bet when they did eventually see it happen they’d get all exited too; like they had a major breakthrough. They’d call their peers, “Oh my God! I just saw a horsefly land on patient X’s tongue, then X swallowed!! This is wonderful; a months worth of weight all in one night!!” -Boy, I’ll bet that job would suck.

    I’ll be back to try to answer the riddle. I’m going to run down a hill really fast with mouth open and see what I catch!!

    Scott Oglesby

    August 3, 2009 at 7:42 am

    • Scott Oglesby, funny stuff man! Truth is scientists get their facts from bugs themselves. Most accidental ingestions occur while bugs are texting and flying. Please let me know what your open mouth captures. Specific species please!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 4, 2009 at 3:07 am

  3. Two flies on a lump of poo. One farts & the other shouts ‘Do you mind?…I’m eating!’

    Edam….or Irish Cheddar.

    justsomebloke

    August 3, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    • justsomebloke, fly humor… I love it! Your responses have been logged. Thanks for playing along.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 4, 2009 at 3:08 am

  4. I’ll just say American cheese made in Canada. Or any cheese made in West Virginia???

    My experiment hit a snag. Every time I caught a few in my mouth I coughed them back up. I eventually got tired of everyone asking me if I had a pubic hair caught in my throat like the Christmas episode of ‘Curb your Enthusiasm.’ So I quit.

    Scott Oglesby

    August 5, 2009 at 10:45 am

    • Scott Oglesby, quitting is for quitters! But I like you enthusiasm… don’t let it be curbed!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 6, 2009 at 3:36 am

  5. Damn it I just figured out the edam thing, after reading it 5 hours ago. I can be a dolt sometimes!

    Scott Oglesby

    August 5, 2009 at 7:46 pm

  6. Driving home around dusk always decorates up the front end of the truck. It looks like I’ve hit every single bug that ever existed and yet, by the next night, they’ve respawned.

    God help us all.

    As for the cheese that’s edam forewords…

    I would say it would be Einstein’s theoretical cheese. It was never actually made as the experiment would be too dangerous to perform, but as the cheese-making apparatus moves towards the speed of light, the motion appears to slow down, and at the crossover point of lightspeed, actually appears to be moving backwards.

    Not that it’s made backwards. It’s really just a bending, if you will, where time and space meet. The theory of relativity is fascinating and the theoretical cheese? Delightful and fluffy.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    August 6, 2009 at 12:38 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, you remind me of this kid I tired to copy off of in Russian class, (back in high school) that filled out all his answers in French. I like it when your brain holds me and rocks me to sleep. “Hush little brain, be still little bird, Capitalist Lion Tamer has a gift for words…”

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 6, 2009 at 3:40 am

  7. I am still trying to figure out how such a smart rooster gets such smart readers?

    I’ve never heard of Edam cheese, but it makes total sense that it’s made backwards. Justsomebloke is more than that, he’s a smart bloke too.

    Now, I have heard of dam cheese, like when I go to the fridge and say “Who ate all the dam cheese?”

    No one ever confesses.

    It’s the same type of thing when I say “Who poked the holes in the dam cheese?”
    and a smart ass answers, “It’s swiss cheese, Mom.”
    Then I get to say, “I bought provolone, not swiss!”

    And then there’s the whole bug art across the front of the automobile question.

    Chicken expressway… before the accident… brother in law’s toothbrush. OMG Rooster, you kill me. You are the King of the Cocks.

    Claire Collins

    August 6, 2009 at 6:22 am

    • Claire Collins, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick! I was just about to the point of calling all the hospitals in the world… I think the answer to your question is that everyone is smart, (smart ass, smart alec, smarty pants, etc.) I’ve never been called the King of anything. Thanks for that.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 10, 2009 at 3:06 am

      • I was working liek crazy and school started and things were hectic and.. hey.. wait a minute. You left me first! It’s nice to be missed though 😉

        See? There’s a smart answer since I didn’t say what kind of smart your commenters were. You are totally the king!

        Claire Collins

        August 10, 2009 at 3:46 am

        • Clare Collins, as long as it was for the family. It’s great that you’d still drop me a line after all I’ve done to hurt you.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          August 10, 2009 at 4:40 am

          • The only pain you’ve ever caused me is making my sides hurt from laughter.

            Claire Collins

            August 10, 2009 at 4:53 am

            • Oh, and that time you threatened to stop blogging forever. That was pretty painful too, but only for a day or two 🙂

              Claire Collins

              August 10, 2009 at 4:54 am

              • Claire Collins, ah, ya know how it goes. You quit forever, come back in two days, it’s like it never happened and you’re all refreshed.

                Ramblin' Rooster

                August 11, 2009 at 3:02 am

            • Claire Collins, if that’s not the nicest thing anyone has ever commented… (please insert blushing emoticon).

              Ramblin' Rooster

              August 11, 2009 at 3:01 am


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