Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Laundromats Not Laundry Mats

with 34 comments

This week the dryer went on the fritz. I was going to fix it, but then I flashed to every “do it yourself” themed nightmare Capitalist Lion Tamer has posted and I was afraid. (excerpts-from-the-timelife-books-amateur-handyman-series-vol-2) Yes afraid of dying or at the very least catching fire. So what is a family of five to do, go naked? No, no, something much worse, a trip to the Laundromat.

 

I don’t know who invented the Laundromat, but they mus… what’s that? J.F. Cantrell? Who’s that? Oh… OK. Well, J.F. Cantrell must have been one sick puppy.

 

In my early years, (like about a week ago) I was known as somewhat of a “germaphob”. What’s that? Spermatophobia or Spermophobia? What are you talking about? What do you mean that’s the technical term for “germaphobia”? It sounds so disgusting? What’s the term for being afraid of hearing Spermatophobia?

 

Anyway, a Laundromat is by far the most disgusting thing living today in our culture. To me a public washing machine is like taking all the used hotel room sheets, diapers, tampons, toilet paper, tissues, condoms and trash can liners in the world and making soup. Now, just add your clothes to marinate.

 

You can argue that there’s soap in there, but if you were to come to my house I’m sure you’d be less than enthusiastic about taking the soap from my shower and rubbing in on your face. Soap is neither an antibody nor a cure for any disease. You don’t cure yourself of hepatitis by “washing it off”. Believe me, I’ve tried.

 

Let’s say you are of the personality type that grinding the pubic skin cells of the general public into every textile you own doesn’t bother you. There are other nightmares waiting for you.

 

Once you’ve got your “load in” you’re now faced to deal with “ideal time”. Most of us can’t handle the strain of ideal time sitting in the comfort of our home, let alone stuck in a building with strangers and a mountain of quarters.

 

Add some small children crying, screaming and running. Throw in an old man hacking and coughing in the corner blazing up a good quarter cigar under the prominent “Thank you for not smoking” sign. Don’t forget that no trip to the Laundromat would be complete without the joy of being subjected to a couples “personal conversation” regardless of how high you turn the volume up on your mp3 player. Some things you can’t push out of your mind like, “I got super drunk and had sex with my step dad.”

 

If I ever lead an army to destroy civilization, stay clear of Laundromats. They’re first on my list.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was Edam, (too easy, hope you’re lovin’ this CLT).

Congratulations to justsomebloke, Claire, and Capitalist Lion Tamer. Scott figured it out, but never actually typed the answer. You all get to split the $10 Applebee’s gift card that was the grand prize, (I’d suggest inviting Scott so he doesn’t get sore).

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What month has twenty-eight days?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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34 Responses

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  1. I don’t miss the laundromat days. Use one in a really poor, drug infested area while you’re at it if you want an experience that will scar you forever. “Look Ralph, she can afford to warsh an’ dry!”

    And they all have 28 days last time I checked, but you never know. It wouldn’t surprise me if the months striked to have shorter work days and more weekends but were turned down by the employer. How many days are in a week now? 10? 20?

    Claire Collins

    August 10, 2009 at 4:52 am

    • Claire Collins, I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but where I’m from there are no up-scale, rich neighborhood laundromats. There are five days in a work week, each consisiting of 32 hours.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 11, 2009 at 3:01 am

  2. I feel bad that I was quick on the gun with this one, so I’m offering another riddle. Maybe whoever answers it can offer up another one? See what happens when Rooster leaves us alone for a week at a time?

    A man went on a trip with a fox, a Rooster and a sack of corn. He came upon a stream which he had to cross and found a tiny boat to use to cross the stream. He could only take himself and one other – the fox, the Rooster, or the corn – at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the Rooster or the Rooster alone with the corn. How does he get all safely over the stream?

    Claire Collins

    August 10, 2009 at 5:00 am

    • Claire Collins, he takes the rooster with him sends the boat back empty and the fox loads the corn and comes over. No, that’s not right…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 11, 2009 at 3:04 am

      • How bad could it really be if we just left the rooster with the corn? Oh maybe that’s not a good idea. Leave the fox with the rooster? Ummm… do we REALLY need the corn?

        Claire Collins

        August 12, 2009 at 1:17 am

        • Claire Collins, I like corn, so yes, we need the corn!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          August 17, 2009 at 4:24 am

          • Okay, so eat all of the corn while I take the fox across the river and I’ll come back and get you.

            Claire Collins

            August 17, 2009 at 4:36 am

            • Claire Collins, sounds good. You know what goes great with corn? Slow roasted Fox.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              August 17, 2009 at 5:02 am

              • That was such a great answer! Yeah, what the hell do I really need the fox for anyway? All along this journey, it’s been me and you and then suddenly there’s this fox. I think he’s up to no good and I don’t like the way he keeps eyeing you and drooling.

                Okay, you eat the corn. I’ll roast the fox, and then we can just get in the boat and go across the river.

                Where the hell are we going anyway?

                Claire Collins

                August 17, 2009 at 5:12 am

                • Claire Collins, I’m not sure where we’re going, but from the sounds of it, “to the other side”.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  August 18, 2009 at 2:39 am

                  • You’re a genius.

                    Claire Collins

                    August 18, 2009 at 3:04 am

                    • Claire Collins, I’ve been called lots of things before, but never that. Who knew clever laced gluttony could lead to being endowed with transcendent mental superiority. Ain’t that a kick in the head…

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      August 18, 2009 at 3:48 am

                    • If you let them kick you in the head, then you won’t be a genius anymore.

                      Claire Collins

                      August 18, 2009 at 3:56 am

                    • Claire Collins, leave it up to you to be literal.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      August 24, 2009 at 2:56 am

  3. You found the one place on earth with people of less quality than Wal-Mart. You have a God-given talent! I’m writing a letter of recommendation to the Jerry Springer casting department as we speak! At least you didn’t see anyone smoking crack or shooting up. That’s very surprising actually. Did I ever tell you about the first time I went to Costa Rica and people were smoking crack INSIDE the airport?

    Applebee’s? Do you have something against the wonderful service, delicious food, and fun atmosphere of TGIF? -The reining king of casual dining!! Thanks tho!

    For your riddle, I’ll be a rebel and say, rehab month!-Everyone’s favorite month off of work!! For Claire riddle, I’ll have to come back. I have to have more coffee.

    Scott Oglesby

    August 10, 2009 at 7:07 am

    • Scott Oglesby, I’ve never been attributed to having a talent for low quality people. What can I say, I’m speechless. I didn’t see anyone smoking crack or shooting up at the laundromat, ’cause they didn’t have a mirror. Please send me a ticket to Costa Rica, (put it on the card). I don’t have anything against TGIF, it’s just that the gift card was cheaper at Applebee’s.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 11, 2009 at 3:07 am

      • “Cause they didn’t have a mirror” – That was why I love you!

        Scott Oglesby

        August 11, 2009 at 6:34 am

        • Scott Oglesby, my father use to say, “If I can’t make fun of you, who can I make fun of.” As my own man now, I’ve changed it to, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, you probably don’t laugh very much.”

          Ramblin' Rooster

          August 17, 2009 at 4:21 am

  4. Ok, first you’d go over with the Rooster, then come back.
    Then go over with the fox, and bring the rooster back.
    Then leave the rooster and take the corn over.
    Then finally the rooster and you. Safe.
    It took me a while but I remembered one like that with a 150 lb dad and two 75lb twins in a rowboat.

    Scott Oglesby

    August 10, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    • I want to change my answer to Scott’s…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 11, 2009 at 3:08 am

    • The twins both go over, one comes back and waits on the shore while the dad rows over alone. He gets out on the far side and the other twin gets back in, rows across, picks up his twin, and they all end up on the same side. Or they all drown.

      Claire Collins

      August 12, 2009 at 1:18 am

      • Claire Collins, I’m drowning in confusion.

        Ramblin' Rooster

        August 17, 2009 at 4:24 am

        • Don’t drown at all. Get back in the boat.

          Claire Collins

          August 17, 2009 at 4:55 am

          • Claire Collins, but if I get back in the boat the fox will eat me!

            Ramblin' Rooster

            August 17, 2009 at 5:03 am

            • How did we get this far without the fox eating you? I told him you were all feathers and no meat. I think he’s becoming a vegetarian. Protect your corn.

              Claire Collins

              August 17, 2009 at 5:19 am

              • Claire Collins, I’ve been hiding in the corn.

                Ramblin' Rooster

                August 18, 2009 at 2:40 am

                • Ohhhh. That’s why he wants to eat the corn.

                  But we’re going to eat him with corn on the side. I think we will be too full to get across the river. Might as well just stay on this side and take a nap.

                  Claire Collins

                  August 18, 2009 at 3:06 am

                  • Claire Collins, the corn is always more yellow on the other side of the river sorta thing, huh?

                    Ramblin' Rooster

                    August 18, 2009 at 3:49 am

                    • I guess so. You’re the corn aficionado. I’m just the captain of the boat.

                      Claire Collins

                      August 18, 2009 at 3:58 am

                    • Claire Collins, I do know my corn. Can I interest you in a bag? Twenty five a quater ounce… Scott?

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      August 24, 2009 at 2:56 am

  5. Many thanks for the plug and you were right, do not touch anything that’s connected to anything unless you’re a pro or severely drunk.

    Fantastic post. Brought back waves of depressing memories. My favorite laundromat was within 1/2 mile of a bar. So we’d throw our clothes in, have a couple of drinks, throw them into the dryer, have a couple more, throw the laundry into the drunk, have a half-dozen more…

    It was awesome. The only downside was the wrinkled clothes and the hole in our wallets.

    As for the riddle (and you are correct, I am loving it): I seem to recall a strike-shortened April back in 1987. Fans began swearing off spring altogether, a black eye to the season that is only now beginning to show some likeness to its former self.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    August 11, 2009 at 11:25 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, laundry and alcohol. You are a mixing genius! Just as long as you didn’t add booze to the washer, I think everything would turn out fine. Thanks for the short story.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 17, 2009 at 4:23 am

  6. You have described it perfectly. I had almost been able to block the memories of paying to wash my clothes in a pee soup. Also trying to believe that the heat in the dryer could kill some germs off.
    Great post.

    cupofmondays

    August 15, 2009 at 12:34 am

    • cupofmondays, you probably won’t believe this, but I went to a Laundromat description class at the local civic center here in town. I’m just glad it finally paid off! I like, “Pee Soup” and the heat from the dryer, “Killing some germs off”. Both are extremely valid “wishes” to have while contracting a virus of random name and consequence. Thanks for commenting.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 17, 2009 at 4:28 am


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