Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Guest Towels

with 16 comments

In keeping with the germaphob, (because I still refuse to call it Spermatophobia) theme from last week, tonight is about visiting someone’s house, more particularly using the bathroom at someone’s house.

 

I like to use the bathroom when the urge presents itself. I’m not the kind of person that likes it buckle over in pain because I’d rather hold things inside rather than share them with a strange toilet. Call me crazy… CRAZY! Stop it.

 

Before you get excited or disgusted, this post isn’t about the actual happenings of using the bathroom, the sights, smells, sounds or a wild, Hollywood romantic-comedy subplot about overflowing toilets and nightmarish mishaps. This blog takes place after all is said and done.

 

Guest towels! Washing your hands is a must after using the bathroom, whether you work in the food industry or not, (i.e. it’s not just for employees anymore). I like to wash my hands thirty-eight times a day. Call me crazy… CRAZY! I said stop that.

 

The problem I have is when I finish washing my hands. There are several problems that occur.

 

  1. There is no hand towel – (the most obvious problem, yet in the end the most easy to deal with. I use my armpits as a towel or style my hair. Sometimes I rub my face and the back of my neck. The guest thinks I was sweating and wonders what I was doing in there. Gives them something to talk about after I leave.)
  2. There is no hand towel, but there is a bath towel hanging equally spaced between the shower and the sink – (this is difficult to gauge. Depending on where you are, the owner may not believe in “hand towels” thus this giant bath towel could in fact be the hand towel. Then again, if it is a bath towel the thought of drying your newly cleaned hands where Frank dried his ass is more than just a little disturbing. Go with option #1.)
  3. A hand towel is present, but it’s crusty, or stained, or has dried toothpaste on it, or it smells of mildew, nachos and cigar smoke – (nothing is worse than a brown hand towel, especially if the towel’s natural color isn’t brown. The safest bet on any hanging hand towel is to gently blot dry at the top of the towel, along the fold where it hangs from the ring or bar. Most people dry using the front or back of the hanging towel thus leaving the top virtually clean.)

 

Best bet is to always carry your own hand towel wherever you go. If you think this behavior is too weird or will make you standout in the crowd you can do what I do and buy an entire wardrobe of bowling clothes. This way you can seem like an avid sportsman who’s always coming over after a tournament game.

 

Carrying a bag with an actual bowling ball is optional. It’s up to you how far you want to take it.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “All months have 28 days”

Congratulations to Claire (riddle champion-hat-tricker) for the correct answer with honorary victories going to Capitalist Lion Tamer and Scott for answers bearing humorous motive. This week’s prize is a $10 TGIF gift card, (in honor of Scott’s favorite restaurant). CLT and Scott can sit with Claire and watch her eat dessert. Have fun!

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What do you call a zipper on a banana?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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16 Responses

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  1. I always, always go with option #1 because it is the safest way, and it keeps your hair wet and stylish. In public restrooms I’ve been seeing a lot more hot air dryers that are all muscled up by some Tim Allen type engineer. They literally cause ripples in your flesh; it’s awesome!

    Instead of the bowling get up, I would just bring a set of golf clubs (with towel.) Besides, I came up with 3 different and cool drinking games centered on chipping and putting. So there would always be that bonus!

    I’ll watch Claire eat her dessert anytime! Thanks for the TGIF, you know that I’m smiling! I don’t know this answer so I’ll wait for someone else to answer, and then agree with them. Besides I’m mad at google and not giving them my business for a day. Ha.

    Scott Oglesby

    August 17, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, I like the golf angle, (maybe even better than the bowling theme). As far as your golf drinking games, I was wondering if they could be played with heroin? How could you be mad a Google, they do everything for you! See you at TGIF…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 18, 2009 at 2:43 am

  2. I think I’ll have a banana split for desert.

    I just fan dry my hands. You know, kinda waving them in the air. It’s just better than touching anything!

    As for why the banana has a zipper? I can only think dirty thoughts.

    Easy access? So he can peel out?

    Claire Collins

    August 18, 2009 at 3:28 am

    • Claire Collins, you flick water all over the walls of the guest’s house? How thoughtful. After reading your answers I’m thinking of making Riddle Me Rooster into You Make The Punch Line. Peel out… I love innocent yet dirty jokes.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 18, 2009 at 3:51 am

  3. I don’t shake my hands THAT hard. Innocent yet dirty is the theme of my life.

    Claire Collins

    August 18, 2009 at 3:59 am

    • Claire Collins, my dad use to say, “A firm hand shake tells a person you mean business.” I always thought it odd, seeing as how he had a hook for a hand.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 24, 2009 at 2:57 am

  4. As a lifelong guy, I have come to the conclusion that there is no cleaner surface than my jeans, so I will always dry my hands on them if no better options are available.

    This knowledge has been passed along to my kids, but something has been lost in translation as they are always cleaning their hands on my jeans.

    So spirit of the law, yes. Letter of the law, not so much.

    Another great post, RR. If you’ve got to be down to one post a week, I’m glad they’ve all been this solid.

    Riddle answer: An accident at the record plant. You see, someone got their orders mixed up, resulting in the banana sticker from the Velvet Underground album being placed over the top of the zipper on the cover of Sticky Fingers by the Rolling Stones.

    More of a banana on a zipper, but a hell of an album nonetheless. Somehow the Stones managed to shock even jaded old Warhol by knocking down his Campbell’s Soup can pyramid and knocking up his underage groupies.

    Well done, lads. British Invasion indeed.

    (This answer brought to you by the US Government: when in doubt, obfuscate.)

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    August 19, 2009 at 2:35 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, helluva response. Almost like a guest blog. Is there never a dull moment on your keyboard?!?!? CLT invasion more like… I can see me chasing you down the streets, screaming bloody murder and passing out as I dry my hands on your jeans backstage.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 24, 2009 at 3:00 am

  5. I’m cracking up at CLT’s kids cleaning their hands on his jeans. Mine did that too! My daughter still drinks out of my water bottle/cup/glass instead of getting her own.

    Anyway. Rooster – I need to borrow some of those guest towels. Your “innocent” comment about urine has caused my blog to become overrun with golden showers.

    Gee thanks!

    Claire Collins

    August 19, 2009 at 5:18 am

  6. I have another answer for the riddle. Oh c’mon. don’t act all surprised.

    What do you call a zipper on a banana?

    Useless

    Once you unzip it and eat the banana, the peel is useles and you throw it away.

    Claire Collins

    August 20, 2009 at 5:30 am

    • Claire Collins, have you never wanted to see someone fall on their ass from a precisely placed peel in the walkway? Hilariousity in the mix!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 24, 2009 at 3:04 am


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