Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Action Figure

with 10 comments

I don’t know when the last time you picked up an action figure was, but it’s astounding. They have more moving parts than I do. The points of articulation range in the upper teens to the mid thirties. It’s like some kind of miniature man genius is locked up in a laboratory/factory making God-like, plastic encased, history.

 

Quick fact sheet about Action figures:

 

Action figures are not sold or marketed for children.

 

Action figures can be valued in the hundreds to even thousands of dollars.

 

Action figures aren’t meant to be played with.

 

People who collect action figures make geeks and nerds look “sporting” “suave” and “devilishly attractive”.

 

Action figure is a pathetic attempt to make “doll” seem masculine, i.e. there is no “action” in an action figure.

 

Toys are amazing molds of plastic. They give children something to loose, break and leave out in the middle of a heavy trafficked, barefoot, walkway. When I was a kid, most action figures were paraplegics. I didn’t care, it was my imagination that made them move, not their remarkable engineering.

 

I can’t believe Transformers have made a comeback. This is the worst action figure, (to play with) ever. Don’t get me wrong, the “transforming” part is cool, but once it was done there wasn’t much you could do with it. They were about as durable as a paper plate. To quote Tom Hanks’ character from ‘Big’, “and this is robot that turns into a building. What’s fun about playing with a building?”

 

The other day I was walking through the toy aisle and I say a sign reading, “Creative Play”. On the shelf was ninja gear, cowboy gear and more guns than the South Central evidence room. Good to know that creative is synonymous with assassination and “shoot ‘em up”. “Look at little Jimmy pretending to slice off Billy’s head. They’re so creative, aren’t they?”

 

To be honest, this is all in preparation for the launching of my own Ramblin’ Rooster action figure. I’m still trying to decide if I want the jelly bean, rear exit hatch feature to be incorporated.

 

Now you tell me, if you were going to be an action figure, what accessories or features would you have?

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Fruit Fly”

No one got the right answer, which is too bad, because this week’s prize was a brand new Mercedes E Class, (2010). Oh well…

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What goes up, but never comes down?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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10 Responses

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  1. First, I can’t believe you stumped us all with “fruit fly”. I had to think about that one for awhile.

    If I was an action figure, I’d have the ability to float and fly and drive, so I’d be like a transformer or steroids with weapons and camouflage.

    But I’d want to look like Barbie.

    For this weeks Ramblin’ Rooster Riddle – I swear I used to know this answer.

    What goes up but never comes down…

    My blood pressure?
    My temper?
    My weight?
    The damn dart the kids impaled the ceiling with?
    The neighbors horrible tree that leaves pine needles in my pool? I’ve tried burning that thing, pulling it down, uprooting it, bribing it, but it just refuses to come down.

    Hmm I have to think about this one. Or, if that doesn’t help, then I’m googling it.

    Claire Collins

    August 24, 2009 at 5:06 am

    • Claire Collins, I’m sorry to say that “Googling It” is a severe violation of the Riddle Rooster laws and grounds for automatic disqualification, but I’ll let it slide for attempting to burn your neighbor’s tree, (that’s already steroid Transformer action!).

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 31, 2009 at 3:29 am

  2. I used to love my G.I. Joes! I think I had about 50, maybe more. I remember they upgraded a few models with the kung-fu action grip (mostly because of Eddie Murphy) but I don’t remember the movable wrists making any difference. I think about that episode of Seinfeld where he’s dating the lady with all the cool toys, and I think; I would have drugged her and played with them too.

    If I were an action figure my wallet would be the one that said ‘Bad Mother Fucker.’ I’d have x-ray vision, the ability to shoot lazers with my hands, I’d be able to fly, I’d be indestrutable, and I’d have unprotected sex with all the hot dolls.

    My first answer to the riddle is: my friend Billy after he went swimming with all of that acid in his pocket.

    Scott Oglesby

    August 24, 2009 at 6:18 am

    • Scott Oglesby, those are all great action figure talents. I’m thinking about the trauma of young child walking in on your “sexing up” a hot doll. My guess is you’d zap him with your laser hands before he was able to tattle. Poor Billy, had I been there, I would of jumped in to dose myself, er… I mean, save him.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 31, 2009 at 3:33 am

  3. The Capitalist Lion Tamer Action Figure:

    – Unable to tell right from wrong!
    – Never forgets a birthday!
    – Does complex equations in its head!
    – Itemizes tax deductions!
    – Hay tiene mas influencia!
    – Becomes sentient (and murderous) 20% faster!
    – Always darkest before the dawn!
    – Quotes dialog from “Glengarry Glen Ross!”
    – Fishes for compliments!
    – Powerful blog-fu grip!

    Riddle answer – Inflation. It kind of has to by definition. So that’s probably the wrong answer, or at the very least, a dishonest one. I’m going to think about this as well.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    August 24, 2009 at 10:40 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, please send me three of your action figures. One to save and sell when the value sky rockets, one to save and never open, but always keep to brag that, “I have it” and one to rip open and start playing with, (ask Scott for my credit card number). You really do possess more influence! I will half log your answer.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 31, 2009 at 3:39 am

  4. Is it Age??? I just celebrated my 27th 😛

    Anjali

    August 24, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    • Anjali, my apologies for leaving your comment “pending” for so long. I was indisposed. Welcome to the Roost and your answer has been logged. Thanks for playing!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 31, 2009 at 3:41 am

  5. Answer: my white blood cell count!

    No. Wait. That should be reversed. Always “down” but never “up.”

    I’m going over here to die a little. BRB.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    August 31, 2009 at 2:38 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, DON’T YOU DIE ON ME MAN! Do the math! It’s always darkest before the dawn! Can I claim lotion as a deduction?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      August 31, 2009 at 3:42 am


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