Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Labor Day Passout

with 18 comments

Happy Labor Day! I’m not sure what Labor Day is about or what the proper words are to express the honor, which is displayed in the form of joy that we all share in not working on Monday, (except those working on construction projects and the majority of those in retail sales).

 

Is Labor Day synonymous with drinking? I have several friends that would tell me yes, but then again they’d say that drinking is synonymous with the sun coming up. So what’s that tell you?

 

This weekend I hung out with some of those old friends of mine. When I say old friends, I mean the kind that are so old that when you’re together you do nothing more than remind each other of all the ridiculous and crazy stuff you have on each other, ‘cause you can’t possibly remember yourself. For some reason drinking stories always seem to surface and be the most in abundance.

 

I’m not a drinker. I’m what alcoholics call “sober” or what teenagers call “a pussy”. I don’t have medical evidence to back it up, but I’m fairly certain that I have an allergy to alcohol, because most of the time when I consume it, it comes back up.

 

There are a lot of wonderful stories starring yours truly, a lot of passing out in the neighbor’s lawn, on the porch, in closets, in the trunk of my own car, etc. As such, there are also a lot of disgusting stories with me having the major role in “Vomit Gone Wild”. Some examples would be vomiting in bed, in cars, on my shoes, on other people and in the punch bowl and grandma’s 87th birthday party. They’re all wonderful, but there was one story that seemed to sparkle just a little brighter than the rest.

 

I was told of the time that I was drinking at a friend’s tiny apartment. When I say tiny, I’m talking 100 square feet tiny. The bathroom door opened inwards to an incredibly small bathroom. So small in fact that the door didn’t even fully open as it was stopped by the sink cabinet.

 

Apparently, as the story goes, we were all sitting around drinking on Labor Day Eve, celebrating the fact we didn’t have to get up early and once again I consumed passed my limit. I got up and went into the bathroom to spend a little quality time with the toilet. After purging the demons from my body I got up to leave and passed out. My friends, whom I sure were extremely concerned, came to the bathroom to investigate the “thump”. When they tried to open the door they were unsuccessful as I had managed to lose consciousness between the door and the sink. No matter how hard they tried to open the door they couldn’t because of my pesky breathing corpse being the world’s largest door stop.

 

At first it was rather funny to them all, until the urge to urinate became prevalent. After trying to revive me by ramming and kicking the door, screaming at me and squeezing a hand through and shooting me with a water gun, they gave up and took turns peeing in the kitchen sink for the remainder of the evening. Not too shabby.

 

Do you have a better story than that? Let’s hear it and all laugh.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “At lunch it goes back for seconds”

No one guessed, so I’ll be taking myself to the bar for drinks.

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What animal should you never play cards with?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Advertisements

18 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. For my 22nd birthday, I threw up on, knocked over and fell on top of Handicapped Parking sign at the church a few blocks from my house. Fortunately, it was around 3 am and they were closed.

    I love good drinking stories. Especially those in which most of the principals have varying stories and timetables.

    Or any story that starts strong and ends with a long pause followed by “… I assume” or “…or so I was told.”

    As for the riddle:

    I’m going to say the shark. Not only are they clever and have an awesome “poker face,” (which greatly resembles their “I’m going to kill you and eat you” face) but they also have to keep moving or they will die thanks to God’s little joke on sharks.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    September 12, 2009 at 3:51 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, don’t think for a minute I don’t love the irony of passing out on a handicap parking sign. I love it! It’s going to be my next album cover, (which is a compilations of CLT covers).

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 14, 2009 at 3:08 am

  2. I come to steal my trophy back.

    The answer is a Lion. (lying, Lie…) Nothing huh?

    What about strip poker with a bear? (bare)..

    How about dogs? C’mon, haven’t you seen the famous picture of the dogs playing poker? A couple of them are cheaters.

    Or maybe it’s the felines we gotta watch out for, Those cheetahs will give the dogs a run for their money. (run…) OK I give up.

    The best (worst) drinking story I got is when I was 16 and my brother was 18, we were all trashed and he was driving everyone home. He was the soberest. (I never said we were smart back then)

    Anyway, I’m sitting in the middle of the back seat of his ’79 Monte Carlo which he loved. There’s a drunk guy sitting on either side of me. All of a sudden, one of them starts screaming to pull over cause he’s gonna puke. With words like that in the air, my brother immediatly pulls to the side of the road and the drunk leans out and starts tossing his cookies.

    I have never been able to see, hear, or smell someone vomiting without joining in.

    I vaulted myself over the other guy sitting next to me and I landed halfway out of the car on my hands in the gravel. There was no way I was going to throw up in my brothers car. He would have killed me.

    I ended up with both palms shredded and bloody from the gravel and glass on the side of the road but you’d better believe there wasn’t a drop of vomit in that car!

    There are so many reasons why I don’t drink anymore…

    Claire Collins

    September 12, 2009 at 5:49 am

    • Claire Collins, you don’t have to steal the trophy back, you can just have it. I wish I could hear every story that has made you stop drinking.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 14, 2009 at 3:09 am

      • I used to be quite a wild child. Somewhere along the way, I grew up. Now I just write about how bad I was but I disguise myself as characters in books.

        As for quitting drinking. Occasionally I have a drink or two, but I rarely ever drink to the point of being drunk because I always have to wake up and look at myself through one bleary eye the next morning.

        I’m waiting to hear what Scott has to say on this issue…

        Claire Collins

        September 14, 2009 at 6:39 am

        • Claire Collins, the wild child! A writer that spins yarn on exaggerated versions of themselves… awesome!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          September 21, 2009 at 3:51 am

          • What else would I write about? Just think of how boring my books must be…

            Claire Collins

            September 21, 2009 at 4:15 am

            • Claire Collins, I thought your books were good. Why else would you be spearheading a publishing company, right?

              Ramblin' Rooster

              September 21, 2009 at 4:23 am

              • Hmm have you read them?

                Claire Collins

                September 21, 2009 at 5:31 am

                • Claire Collins, I haven’t read them. Don’t feel bad, I don’t read anything that doesn’t have pictures.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  September 28, 2009 at 3:41 am

                  • Images of Betrayal is about pictures. Is that close enough?

                    Claire Collins

                    October 4, 2009 at 6:31 am

                    • Claire Collins, does anyone have mutant or gamma radiation powers? How about spandex costumes?

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 5, 2009 at 2:53 am

                    • The pictures tell the future…

                      Claire Collins

                      October 5, 2009 at 4:01 am

                    • Claire Collins, I must admit, (and I’m not being smarty) that sounds intriguing.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 5, 2009 at 4:18 am

                    • I thought it was a good book. Alan read it and he still talks to me so it can’t be all bad right?

                      Claire Collins

                      October 5, 2009 at 5:19 am

                    • Claire Collins, I’m sure it’s a fine book. You shouldn’t play down your talents.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 12, 2009 at 3:47 am

  3. Sorry I haven’t been around lately, I’ve had other um..issues crop up. Now I’ve also found myself with a lot less time to sit at the computer. Anyway to the question at hand-my funniest drinking story probably involved one of my many, many blackouts. All I remember was sitting in a bar with friends in Pgh on a Friday night, and then waking up SUNDAY morning in Atlantic City. I had no money, puked on, pisssed on, slept in clothes, and no foreseeable way to make my way back. A.C. can be a tough city in those circumstances, trying to get money wired to me when I couldn’t get in the door of, well anywhere.

    Come to think of it that’s really more sad then funny, but so was most of my drinking career. I just took an entire year off in an attempt to get healthier and quit smoking. After the year was up I tried again, and it didn’t go well. And I’m now smoking again. Damn!

    Scott Oglesby

    September 14, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, I like that “slept in clothes” made the list after “puked on” and “pissed on”. That was funny. Aren’t all drinking stories in truth sad? Only quitters smoke… wait, only smokers smoke quitting… no, quit once, quit twice, quit thrice?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 21, 2009 at 3:57 am


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: