Custom Coffins
The other day I heard a commercial for customizing your coffin. You can get custom printed liners or go with existing logos, like the Yankees’ or the Raiders emblems. (I don’t know about College teams, so please stop calling me.) It took a moment for it to all sink in. I think it was three or four commercials past before I literally asked the Holy Ghost, WTF?
I couldn’t agree more with Al Czervik more when he said, “Two biggest wastes of real estate, golf courses and cemeteries.” I can’t think of anything more self serving and egocentric than a grave. Now add $50k for services and you’ve made it criminal.
I remember when my brother died; we burned him and threw the ashes in his wife’s face. I think my dad might have whispered, “sorry” or something.
Why does everyone have to customize everything they own? I walked by a subordinates computer last week and the command line was bright, neon-green for fvck sakes!
Having special hubcaps on your car doesn’t make you unique. Changing factory settings on your phone doesn’t make you special. Rearranging the icons on your iPod doesn’t make you an individual.
Don’t forget, “Everyone’s special in their own way”. Whatever!
If I was an undertaker, and I got a die-hard, (literally) Yankees’ fan asking for a Yankees’ themed casket, I’d cover it in Red Sox memorabilia.
What can I say, I’m a people person.
Egg On!
Ramblin’ Rooster
—Riddle Me Rooster—
The answer to last weeks riddle was “Cheetah”
Claire actually gave the answer in her response, (exactly ten words before typing “I give up”. Well, I don’t believe in quitting, so Claire, good news, you have your trophy back.
Tonight’s riddle:
What can you put in a box that makes it lighter?
Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!
Sunday's drive up your blog... with Ramblin' Rooster 
My response last week was a carefully constructed essay to make sure you were reading. How boring would I be if I simply typed “Cheetah” and nothing else?
As for the casket offerings: I actually have experience in this area. Some people have complete themed funerals including the casket and casket linings.
When you die, I promise to fry you and serve you with sides of mashed potatoes and corn with a nice dinner roll.
So what can we put in a box that will make it lighter?
How about a lamp?
Also, I like how you have a themed blog here talking about casked and boxes…
Claire Collins
September 14, 2009 at 6:54 am
Claire Collins, that would be boring, (unless you were CLT). I’m all about themes and crate paper animals and candles and long rides in the country along the ocean between mountains in the desert through the forest
Ramblin' Rooster
September 21, 2009 at 3:54 am
Of course only CLT could get away with writing one word and I’ve never seen it before and will probably never see it again.
That’s one hell of a long ride.
Claire Collins
September 21, 2009 at 4:11 am
Claire Collins, I was shocked too.
Ramblin' Rooster
September 21, 2009 at 4:24 am
Hi, I’m Alan Truitt and I’d like to talk to you about death, body disposal and recycling. The death of a loved one can set you back thousands of dollars but what if you could dispose of them for a minimal fee. How? Here at Alpo Morticians we take your loved one and recycle them into useful products like ashtrays, fingerbowls and several varieties of chewing gum. And each customer gets a complimentary spice rack made from the ribs, kidneys and spleen of their dearly departed. (sings) “So haul your corpse by today. We know what to do with a DOA.“
alantru
September 16, 2009 at 4:23 am
alantru, the return of the king! I didn’t even catch the melody, but yet “So haul your corpse by today. We know what to do with a DOA” is stuck in my head. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to comment and welcome back.
Ramblin' Rooster
September 21, 2009 at 3:59 am
That shit is ridiculous. What are they Egyptians? Why would you bother with that shit? If you don’t have any living relatives, why can’t you just give the money to charity or something? That is one thing that really irritates me about America. Everyone has to think that they’re so special, so unique. Yea, most people are asshole jackasses in their own special, unique way.
Helium? That can’t be right. I may be back.
Scott Oglesby
September 16, 2009 at 6:51 am
Scott Oglesby, couldn’t agree more buddy…
Ramblin' Rooster
September 21, 2009 at 3:59 am
Cheetah.
Capitalist Lion Tamer
September 19, 2009 at 2:46 am
Capitalist Lion Tamer, funnier than the Onion, and harder to cut.
Ramblin' Rooster
September 21, 2009 at 4:00 am
To make up for my cheating with “cheetah,” here’s a shoutout to my favorite barnyard blogger.
From the Radio CLT Archives, it’s the Rolling Fucking Stones with Little Red Rooster. Please note that this archival footage was taken from a period when the Stones were still cool, so they may be near unrecognizeable:
Capitalist Lion Tamer
September 21, 2009 at 4:48 am
Capitalist Lion Tamer, that was awesome and I’m honored. I had no idea that Willie Dixon and Howlin’ Wolf were white.
Ramblin' Rooster
September 28, 2009 at 3:40 am
They had no idea either.
Capitalist Lion Tamer
September 28, 2009 at 3:55 am
Capitalist Lion Tamer, that would explain why they were so cool.
Ramblin' Rooster
September 28, 2009 at 4:08 am