Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Tell A Lot

with 14 comments

Fingers are amazing. Apparently they’re the only thing that separates us from amoeba. I like fingers ‘cause they’re so expressive. People can hold entire conversations with them, (which unfortunately doesn’t stop them from also talking). Fingers help us break through the language barrier. There are so many international signs and symbols that everyone understands, (except for those too uncivilized to understand and they are excused. Example: If you wear a loin cloth I don’t expect you to “call me” when I do the “finger phone” to my ear).

You can really tell a lot about a person by their finger gestures. I always judge men on how manly they are by one single hand gesture, being the finger “gun”.

 

If a guy does the “gun” symbol with his hand and only extends his first finger you can immediate assume the following, He is:

 

Gay

Afraid of spiders

Won’t help you change the brakes on your ’84 Ford F-150

Cheats on his taxes

Someone who will borrow your weed wacker and won’t return it until you go over and ask for it back

 

Now if a guy uses his first and middle finger, you can assume the following, He is:

 

Gay

Afraid of little dogs that bark incessantly

Overcompensating

Wears leather pants on the weekend

Has never tasted, yet claims to love sushi

 

Don’t forget, if either of the finger “gun” wielders actually pulls the “thumb” trigger, this is an act of aggression and affords you the right to immediate start kicking his ass. IF they make a gun sound such as bang, boom, kapow, etc. you can kill him in self-defense.

 

If a woman gives you the finger “gun”, make no mistake, she has a penis.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Holes”

Claire is the only one who answered, except for CLT who is a week behind, (which is actually genius for always being right) so even though her answer was wrong is was witty, so chalk up another win for Claire.

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

How much is a skunk worth?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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14 Responses

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  1. Woohoo! I’m a winner by witty default!

    I read your post thinking of all of the hand gestures I make, especially when I’m talking and it occured to me that I had never made the gun gesture.

    I was very grateful of that as I read the end. Whew. Dodged the bullet on that one didn’t I?

    Claire Collins

    September 21, 2009 at 5:03 am

    • Claire Collins, can’t you be happy just to be a winner? Who cares how… Is being a man such a terrible thing?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 28, 2009 at 3:41 am

      • I don’t know, I’ve never been a man. If I had been a man, sex would be very different. How would I explain that to the kids?

        Claire Collins

        October 4, 2009 at 6:36 am

        • Claire Collins, if you were a man you wouldn’t have to explain anything to the kids, you’d have your wife do it.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          October 5, 2009 at 2:53 am

          • I don’t think my husband is interested in being a woman though.

            Claire Collins

            October 5, 2009 at 4:05 am

            • Claire Collins, how do you know with out discussing it over some fried chicken? Is he interested in being gay? Maybe you’d have to divorce him and find you some little trollop to settled down with and just tell the kids, “Your real mother died saving nuns.” Probably be hard for the older ones, maybe hard to believe for everyone. Never mind, stay a chick, stay married, raise your kids and have a wonderful life.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              October 5, 2009 at 4:23 am

              • I knew you’d see it my way. I think there are several people involved who prefer I stay a chick, including me.

                Claire Collins

                October 5, 2009 at 5:20 am

  2. But what if somebody makes the gun with one finger, and then pulls it back in a mock fire while simultaneously winking and clicking his tongue. I’ve always assumed that was the epitome of awesomeness in a man. By the way, I’m just not done with your weed whacker yet. The little cordy thingy came off and I couldn’t figure out how to put a new one on, so I have to wait for my wife to get home to fix it. Seriously.
    I’ll be back after I wake up for the riddle.

    Scott Oglesby

    September 21, 2009 at 6:21 am

  3. I use my fingers to help me puke. I shoot vomit bullets from my mouth. You are indeed right. Fingers are amazing.

    alantru

    September 25, 2009 at 4:39 am

    • alantru, those sound like fantastic talented fingers… I wonder what they could do at a brothel.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 28, 2009 at 3:43 am

  4. The only reason I have ever made the gun thing with my fingers, with the clicking and winking is because an older boy told me to do it.

    His name was Raymond Chandler and his main protagonist, Phillip Marlowe, did it enough times to be noticeable.

    Of course, I wasn’t completely impressionable. I have yet to solve even one murder.

    As to the riddle…

    Hmmm. Instinctively, I’d say that it varies from yokel to yokel, with the rate fluctuating due to the distance to the nearest roadkill versus level of drunkeness or last warm meal.

    Uninstinctively, I’ll say it has something to do with scents/cents but I haven’t put it together yet. I may be back, if for no other reason than to copy the answer from Scott. Or Claire. Alan will be no help at all.

    If not, lock my answer in as “Cheetah.”

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    September 27, 2009 at 5:02 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, as I told Scott sound negates the evil stigmata. I’m sure you’ll be solving cases in no time armed with this revelation of guilt lifting news.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      September 28, 2009 at 3:46 am


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