Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Satan Alive at the Gassy Sip

with 20 comments

I’ve never been one to play religion, nor have I ever worried where my soul was going to magically transcend to after I got hit by a bus. Things were all fine and well until I innocently waltz into a ‘Gassy Sip’ thinking I was there for concession.

 

After making a delicious, refreshing and moderately priced, custom flavored 32 ounce beverage I went to the counter to pay. “Can I get a pack of Tar Picks” I asked. Why not, cigarettes go great with soda pop.

 

“That’ll be $6.66” the eleven year old clerk told me. I did a spit take, (except I had no liquid in my mouth which really killed the effect). It was then I noticed his eyes. They were glowing red and smoke came from his nostrils, like the bull from ‘Looney Tunes’.

 

I’ll admit I was more than a little freaked out, but two cigarettes later, I had forgotten the whole thing like a girl’s name whom was nice enough to let you “violate her” in the men’s room.

 

Thing of it is, six weeks have passed and I’ve been compelled to do evil. I’ve stopped picking up my paper wad mini-basketballs that miss the trash can. I drop my aluminum can in the “Plastic Only” containers. I spit off of buildings onto busy streets. I’ve stopped tipping. I’ve sent several subscriptions of ‘PlayGirl’ to my dad and a whole lot of other bad, bad, bad stuff.

 

Since then I’ve been frequenting the ‘Gassy Sip’ trying to buy things that will equal $7.77, but I can’t seem to make it happen no matter how hard I try. I just know that if I find God in the receipt, like I picked up Satan, the curse will be broken and I can go back to being an average evil person, (on occasion).

 

Please offer up any solutions you might have.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Because it was necessary for climatic ending”, (no just kidding, it was “Because he wouldn’t fit in the elevator”).

Claire wins of course, but since everyone’s answers were so funny and fun I’m taking everyone to ‘Gassy Sip’ for corndogs and energy drinks.

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What gets wetter the more it dries?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 5, 2009 at 4:26 am

20 Responses

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  1. Evil is in the eye of the beholder. Of course, if you turn into a beholder you’d understand. As far as how to fix-if your tax rate is 7% go to the dollar store and by 7 items for a dollar each (no not everything there is a dollar, normal false advertisement) Then if that only gets you 7.70 get a 5 cent candy.
    I’ll think on the riddle. I have to give Claire a run for her money.

    suzettevaughn

    October 5, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    • suzettevaughn, welcome to the roost. I understand you have a certain “famous” sister. How awesome, huh? So you’re saying there’s a tax rate and a store that sells dollars?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 12, 2009 at 3:49 am

      • You’re still my favorite Rooster. I think it’s the big red thing on your head that keeps me coming back.

        Claire Collins

        October 12, 2009 at 4:53 am

  2. How do you know you’re going to get hit by a bus? It might be a Ford Fiesta! Although, there would be more suffering involved with the Fiesta, I guess.

    True story of Satan fucking with me…..

    I was a bookie for a few years in Pgh. As a result I gambled quite a bit. I’d been on a very hot streak with the 3 and 4 digits. I was driving on a busy highway one day and fly by this barely running little beater car, going about 45 mph. I glanced over to see an obvious crackhead scumbag. About an hour later, traffic is pulled to a stop with each lane moving sporadically. The little fucker I had passed so long ago now passed me. As I looked over again, he gave me the finger. I thought to myself, “it must be that guy’s lucky day.” I looked at his license plate and it was something-636. I figured I’d try to ride his luck and play that number heavy and hard. Throughout the rest of the day 666 came up everywhere I looked, and something was telling me to play that instead. But I’ve always been superstitious so I didn’t. I ended up putting $50 bucks on 636 straight which would have won me 25 grand (always nice in cash form) and I’m sure you know the rest of the story. Mother fucking, cock sucking, ball licking 666 came up. As you can see, I still hold some resentment.

    Riddle: A towel or napkin!! Ha!

    Scott Oglesby

    October 10, 2009 at 8:48 am

    • Scott Oglesby, a Ford Fiesta would be a sad way to go, funny, but sad. That’s a hard story, what’s even more hard is the gay porn site ping back I got from it. Your answer is logged my friend.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 12, 2009 at 3:51 am

  3. I like the idea of an Occasional Evil, which I believe was Al Gore’s seldom-seen follow-up to his hit slideshow, An Inconvenient Truth.

    We all need to hit the Gassy Sip together, so as to pool our collective evilness into a force to be reckoned with periodically. We’d only use our evil for good, of course, like those tart-mouthed fashion critics that stand outside and berate red-carpet entrants.

    We could also use it for evil, I suppose, like getting our untalented and hideously ugly offspring a job, like what’s-her-face, the one who lurks outside every single award show known to man. Or like Paula Deen, who has allowed her neandrethal offspring to run amok on her cooking shows, despite the fact that they prepare food with their hair-covered digits and don’t seem to be housetrained.

    As for the riddle: Scott seems to have thrown in the towel (double-ha!), so I would have to speculate (wildly) that the real answer has something to do with the mysteries of menopause.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    October 11, 2009 at 4:46 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I like your plan. Please meet me at the ‘Gassy Sip’ if you want to, or if you don’t that’s OK too, but it’d be cool if you did, but I’d understand if your busy, but if you’re not then great… your answer has been half-logged.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 12, 2009 at 3:54 am

  4. How did I miss your blog? This is what happens when you only come once a week.

    Am I too late? I don’t have an answer for the riddle 😦

    Sorry. I was sick today. Now I’m going to go be sad.
    why does it have to be $7.77? Can’t it be $777?
    Buy 777 lottery tickets. No tax and You could be the next big winner! You can’t win if you don’t play.

    And if you do win.. just remember who gave you the advice.

    Claire Collins

    October 12, 2009 at 4:52 am

    • Claire Collins, once a week sucks I know, but it’s gotta be better than never. It’s never too late champ! 777 dollars worth of lottery tickets? Yeah, that’s sound advice. No devil influence there…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 12, 2009 at 5:22 am

      • Is the devil a redhead?

        That could apply to either of us ya know.

        It is better than never. Is that your subtle way to tell me to stop complaining? I’m not one much for subtlety

        Claire Collins

        October 12, 2009 at 5:28 am

        • Claire Collins, no the devil has jet black hair. I would never tell you to stop anything, except for maybe chocking me, if such actions occurred.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          October 12, 2009 at 5:30 am

  5. OK, what gets wetter the more it dries? How about tears? Clouds? diapers?

    Claire Collins

    October 12, 2009 at 5:05 am

    • Claire Collins, seriously? This is the work of a champion? Loggin’ them answers…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 12, 2009 at 5:24 am

      • Sorry! I know it was lame, but i’m a week late and a dollar short and I was sick all day!

        Claire Collins

        October 12, 2009 at 5:28 am

        • Claire Collins, no need for apologies. You’ll always be the winner. I hope you don’t have H1N1… I’m just glad that pigs took the heat off us birds with the flu epidemic.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          October 12, 2009 at 5:32 am


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