Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Farewell Sweet Nothings

with 38 comments

The other day I was installing a sky light in my darkroom and I started thinking about sweet nothings. What I thought was, “What the hell is a sweet nothing?” I imagine they’re something like:

 

“My heart forever together loving touches precious.”

 

OR

 

“Lovely silk caress hair flowing skin bright eyes heat.”

 

I mean really what bigger oxymoron is there than “sweet nothing”, why do they exist and who wants them?

 

After I installed my retractable awning in my living room I received a call from my neighbor to ask me to stop mowing my shag carpet so late at night. After a heated conversation I hung up. After I use my phone I always wipe clean the screen. I’ve noticed a lot of people wiping their phones when their done, since most all phones have a rather large screen as their face plate.

 

I looked at me phone before I wiped it clean and took notice of how greasy it was. Is my ear that greasy I thought? What does my ear do to get so dirty? So I decided to do a little experiment.

 

I cut off a sliver of my ear and threw it in a frying pan. Sure enough no food I fired stuck to my skillet. On a negative note all of my dinner guests died with clogged arteries.

 

My point in all of this is that I will no longer nibble, lick, bite, kiss and whisper in anyone’s ear ever again since I now know that ears are the dirtiest, greasiest things in the world.

 

Thanks cell phone world for educating me in the filthiness of the ear and ruining all the sweet nothings I could have hoped to share with the world. “World butt massage rubbing thigh lips down hole.” Know what I’m saying? Me neither.

 

Throw another ear in the frying pan, I need some comfort sausages.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Towel”, too easy, huh?

Claire didn’t even log in a guess, what the hell?!?! The prize goes to Scott for his correct answer. The prize? A year’s supply of Jif peanut butter and two tickets to Costa Rica, (on the condition that he has to take CLT for his amazing wrong, but so right answer. That’s what happens when Claire doesn’t play). Wait Claire just chimed in, not with a correct answer, but since she is the reigning champ I’m throwing in a third ticket. Have fun with that peanut butter!

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What do you call a homeless man with a finger in each ear?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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38 Responses

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  1. Did you happen to fry your brain a little when you were installing the skylight? Like maybe there used to be a ceiling fixture there and it was raining when you installed the skylight? Did you see a bright flash and then your life passed before your eyes?

    Me, Scott, CLT and peanut butter in Costa Rica? Sounds like fun to me. You don’t want to come along?

    Sideways over a cloud with music and the tv. Yeah, you know what I’m saying…

    As for the riddle. I’m going to have to think about that one.

    Claire Collins

    October 12, 2009 at 6:04 am

    • Claire Collins, my brain is fine… I think. Oh wait, there’s proof it’s OK, I’m thinking… I think. I can only afford three tickets, so you guys go ahead. Just show me the videos when you get back, promise? Claire with no guess… how horrible is that?!?!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 19, 2009 at 3:19 am

      • I’m sorry and duly chastised. My brain wasn’t working at all. I’m still not sure it’s working.

        Claire Collins

        October 19, 2009 at 4:05 am

        • Claire Collins, we can work it out!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          October 19, 2009 at 4:14 am

          • I’m open to suggestions…

            Claire Collins

            October 19, 2009 at 4:20 am

            • Claire Collins, just spat out a dew guesses, no matter how ridiculous. I can’t let you win if you don’t even try.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              October 19, 2009 at 4:25 am

              • Uh uh uh uh

                A homeless man with his fingers in his ears is ahhhhhh

                Deaf and Bum
                Hard of earning
                Melting his ear wax to make candles

                Claire Collins

                October 19, 2009 at 4:32 am

                • Ear-ly to bed and ear-ly to rise?

                  Pretending he’s one of the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkeys, but he got it wrong and he thinks it earn no evil, hear no evil, work no evil?

                  He’s ahhhhh – Happily divorced and not paying child support or alimony?

                  Claire Collins

                  October 19, 2009 at 4:34 am

                  • Ummm I’m still thinking. I’m running out of time now aren’t I?

                    Claire Collins

                    October 19, 2009 at 4:34 am

                    • I
                      can’t
                      take
                      the
                      pressure.

                      He’s ahhhh. ummmm. uhhh

                      Claire Collins

                      October 19, 2009 at 4:36 am

                    • Claire Collins, shhhh, it’s over, you did good.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 19, 2009 at 4:42 am

                    • Thanks 😉

                      Claire Collins

                      October 19, 2009 at 4:46 am

                    • Claire Collins, no problem Molly! (hee hee).

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 19, 2009 at 5:00 am

                    • Obviously, you’ve been talking to my little sister. Do you see the resemblance?

                      Claire Collins

                      October 19, 2009 at 5:06 am

                    • Claire Collins, I never would have thought about it, but seeing the side-by-side pictures… it made me laugh. (In a good way).

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 19, 2009 at 5:19 am

                    • I’m a big fan of making people laugh.

                      Claire Collins

                      October 25, 2009 at 9:33 am

                    • Claire Collins, it’s good to make people laugh, (as long as it’s your intention to do so).

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 26, 2009 at 3:08 am

                    • I’m okay even if it wasn’t my intention to make people laugh. I can laugh at myself with the best of them.

                      Claire Collins

                      October 26, 2009 at 3:29 am

                    • Claire Collins, laugh and the world laughs with you, laugh at yourself and people start to wonder what’s wrong with you.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 26, 2009 at 3:36 am

                    • They’re going to start to wonder? Hell I’m doing better than I thought!

                      Claire Collins

                      October 26, 2009 at 4:04 am

                    • Claire Collins, where does this degradation-esque attitude come from?

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 26, 2009 at 4:15 am

                    • I have my low moments 😦

                      We can’t all strut proudly around the yard like SOME roosters…

                      Claire Collins

                      October 26, 2009 at 4:18 am

                    • Claire Collins, yes we can! The next time you’re feeling low, just think of proudly strutting cock. If that doesn’t make you happy, nothing will.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 26, 2009 at 4:37 am

                    • That does make me happy… oh wait. are we still talking about roosters?

                      Claire Collins

                      October 26, 2009 at 4:54 am

                    • Claire Collins, of course we’re talking about roosters!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 26, 2009 at 5:31 am

                    • Oh ok.

                      I thought about it. I’m still happy.

                      Claire Collins

                      October 26, 2009 at 5:37 am

                    • Claire Collins, I’m happy you’re happy, that’s all I could ever ask for.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      November 3, 2009 at 5:13 am

                    • Claire Collins, you slid in under radar, before the buzzer. Way to go, I’m proud of you!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      October 19, 2009 at 4:42 am

                  • Claire Collins, it’s flowing like lava!

                    Ramblin' Rooster

                    October 19, 2009 at 4:42 am

                • Claire Collins, you’re doing it, you’re doing it!

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  October 19, 2009 at 4:41 am

  2. I feel safe in saying a bomb tech that took his work home. If it’s not right, it’s still a great mental image.
    Oh oh…Or CTL after dealing with his HOA, there goes the neighborhood.
    As far as the cell phone thing, image women who have caked on make-up… disgusting. Luckily I’m not one of them.

    suzettevaughn

    October 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    • suzettevaughn, are you one of those people who think that the homeless do in fact have homes? “I mean a cardboard box is pretty much the same as a house…” Although I do have to admit, I do get a great mental picture. I don’t mind caked on makeup, it’s the frosting I scrape off.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 19, 2009 at 3:23 am

  3. I like your Van Gogh style. FYI: Shins in butter and scallops are tasty…

    I cut of my finger and mailed it to the guy who kidnapped me. Hey, I wanted to meet his demands.

    alantru

    October 12, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    • alantru, I tried your recipe. I don’t mean to be rude, but it was a little too chewy for me. As for the other, that’s the best “gave the guy the finger” story ever!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 19, 2009 at 3:25 am

  4. I love how you think of everyday saying and shed some much need skylight on them! I never really thought about that phrase until now, and you’re right….it makes no fucking sense at all.

    I hope you don’t mind if I steal, ““My heart forever together loving touches precious.” That shit is golden Rooster. Golden!

    I can’t believe that you can install skylights and retractable awnings, I can’t even change a tire. You must be one handy Cock.

    Riddle answer: a meth addict tweaking his balls off??

    Scott Oglesby

    October 18, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, you may steal anything you want, have fun! I don’t like blowing my own horn, but when there’s a project to be done or a hole needin’ fillin’, have a handy cock is a must.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 19, 2009 at 3:28 am

  5. Wow, RR. That was like reading some of Bret Easton Ellis’ more lucid work. It was funny in a way that made me feel that every LOL was doing something damaging to my psyche.

    That is all supposed to be a compliment. I’m terrible at those. (Although, oddly, I can take them just fine…)

    Anyway, as for the riddle: a leper?
    (There is some leeway, I would imagine, as the fingers do NOT specifically have to be his.)

    So… a deaf leper?

    A plugged bum?

    The king of the 4-fingered underworld? (In the land of 4-fingered men, the 5-fingered man is King. The 6-fingered man is some kind of crazy, super-King.)

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    October 19, 2009 at 2:23 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, for a minute there you made me feel less than zero. I thought you were an American psycho, a real glamorama, but I had forgotten the rules of attraction. Later I met the informers at lunar park who told me we were destined for imperial bedrooms… and then everything was A-OK. You’re the coolest Tamer that ever tamed, lion or not. Excellent guesses!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      October 19, 2009 at 3:35 am


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