Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Archive for November 2009

Judge

with 20 comments

Helpful hints from my dead grandmother:

 

You can tell a lot about a man by how much time he spends in the bathroom.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

Tonight’s prize was a million dollars and like all lottery/raffle/prize giveaways we wanted to promise a wonderful reward and secretly rig it to make sure no one could win. While you all thought that “Sour Puss” was the obvious and easy answer, the real answer was in fact, “Cat’s don’t drink lemonade”. So sorry, but please come back next week knowing that the prize will be two million dollars and you have twice as much of chance to not win!

 

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What grows down when it grows up?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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32 Ounces Kills

with 12 comments

As a fellow bird, one might think that I know all about birds. This simply isn’t true. In fact it’s quite ignorant. It’s like saying that all black people know each other or all white people like caviar. Just because you belong to a certain group or type doesn’t relieve you from being a total dumbass, (or something philosophical like that).

 

Case in point, I was shocked to find out that if a bird, regardless of their stature, religious significance, or pop culture reference can not handle drinking 32 ounces of liquid. Now I don’t mean they can’t handle it like, “Joe threw up in your backseat. I guess he can’t handle his liquor.” No, I mean can’t handle it like if he/she does they’ll die.

 
That’s a dead bird folks.

 

That’s harsh!

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

A while ago CLT felt angry and threatened to end my life unless I made the riddles easy and not off-the-wall-there’s-no-way-I’ll-ever-guess-that-it’s-not-even-really-a-riddle-man. So last week I dared to defy him and now I’m dead, but oh well…

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Falling down the stairs in a suit of (modern, i.e. cheap) armor, with a twelve pack of beer”.

Everyone who answered wins the opportunity to be a pallbearer at my funeral.

 

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What’s a cat that drinks lemonade?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 23, 2009 at 5:38 am

The Blues

with 24 comments

kregbluz

Why I hate the blues...

I’ve always hated the blues, or at least any blues music produced after 1962. I never liked “slow hand” and if I have to sit through another open jam night at the local cracker-club, listening to “aircraft plant welders by day” and “drunken blues murderers on the weekend” crank out hours or standard, three chord progressions, I’ll never listen to music again.

 

That’s really my biggest problem with the blues, white people. I’m not saying that white people don’t have or face some difficult times in their lives, but they have never experienced anything to sing the blues about. At least not in the way the pioneers of blues did.

 

Perhaps I shouldn’t compare the two. Perhaps I shouldn’t attend “blues night” at the cracker barrel. Perhaps I just hate blues music. Perhaps my mother didn’t love me and I’m frustrated because I can’t grab a guitar and belt out the blues the way the forefathers of the craft did. Perhaps I overuse rhetorical questions.

 

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “The horse’s name was Friday”. Scott, (and amazingly CLT) nailed it, but Fundamentaljelly’s answer can’t be ignored. Therefore it’s a three-way tie. The lucky winners receive twelve day passes to the ‘Honkey Blues Festival’ in lovely Fayetteville, Arkansas.

 

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What’s glass, brass and kicks your ass?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Lucky Shoes Can’t Park Car

with 22 comments

LUCKY SHOES CAN’T PARK CAR – posted 11-08-09

We’ve all driven down the road or highway and seen the occasional shoe lying on the shoulder. You might have wondered, “How did that shoe get there”, or “does Kimmy really love me”? It’s not very often that you get to see two shoes left behind…

Is there anything more gross than used shoes

 shoes tight

 

…especially so neatly arranged. It’s like the shoes wanted me to take their picture. Who am I to deny the power of the shoes?

 

As you know driving a car is really hard. There are all these other cars on the road driving around like crazies. The most difficult part of driving is of course parking. You know what grandma use to say, “The bigger the car, the bigger the problem”.

 bad parking

My guess is that the person in the Honda didn’t want to leave anytime soon.

 

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

The answer to last weeks riddle was “Fish and Ships”, but I agree with Scott, CLT’s answer was pretty good, so CLT wins and so does Scott for telling me CLT was good at innuendo. Please enjoy, (and share) a slightly used pair of black shoes. I’ll let you guys figure out who gets left and who gets right.

 

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays the weekend and rides out on Friday. How is this possible?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

A Sign

with 14 comments

As you all may or may not know I have no idea what to do with my life. I’m constantly thinking that this is “temporary” or “I’ll get to it” or “I’d like to that right after I find my list of nine million other things I thought I wanted to do”.

 

And with “keeping the faith” of being directionally challenged, morally confused and ignorant to opportunity I like to believe the “spirit world” will guide me and take care of all my decisions for me, (like taking a crossbow bolt in the mid-thigh. Thanks spirit world!).

 

So I’m always looking for a sign, an easy avenue, a no-brainer to take me to the nirvana I’ve sought my whole life. I always believed it’d be in the form of a ghost, flash of celestial light, happenstance or something so powerful that it would make my legs weak and I would fall to the ground crying and singing in tongue, (like taking a crossbow bolt in the mid-thigh. Thanks spirit world!).

 

Little did I know that the sign that would come would actually be a sign, a cardboard sign written in black, permanent marker to be more exact. A sign reading, “Opportunities in Real Estate” followed by a number. How could it be anymore clear?

 

Here I am driving home from work, drifting off in thoughts of violently and sexually assaulting my boss with splintering broom handles and as I take the off ramp from the highway I see this sign…

 

I don’t have to tell you that any hand made sign on the side of the highway off ramp is not only genius, but immediately trustworthy. It’s handcrafted and that means the person cared.

 

I called up the number and left my credit card number on the message machine. I’m very excited to find out what happens next. I’ll let you know and keep your fingers crossed.

 

Isn’t this exciting?

 

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

—Riddle Me Rooster—

 

Tonight’s riddle:

 

What do sea monsters eat?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Quickie

with 8 comments

 

This is going seem far out, but I’ve just been shot in the leg with a crossbow bolt and I need to go lay down for a minute… or is it “walk it off”?

I’ll have to return tomorrow to throw down with y’all.

I know some of you, (Scott) are dying for the riddle answer, and I couldn’t leave my faithful friends hanging, so here it is…

Antarctica!

Go ahead and hit the bar, start a tab and I’ll pay when I get there, (after I get this bolt out of my leg).

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

This is going seem far out, but I’ve just been shot in the leg with a crossbow bolt and I need to go lay down for a minute… or is it “walk it off”?

I’ll have to return tomorrow to throw down with y’all.

I know some of you, (Scott) are dying for the riddle answer, and I couldn’t leave my faithful friends hanging, so here it is…

Antarctica!

Go ahead and hit the bar, start a tab and I’ll pay when I get there, (after I get this bolt out of my leg).

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 2, 2009 at 5:05 am