Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Archive for December 2009

Christmas Cheer

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There’s a great old cliché that was created to remind us all of our humanity and good will. It is of course “Tis better to give than receive”. Now while you may think that this saying is suppose to discourage greediness, it’s really insight into the fact that giving a crappy gift is better than getting one. This is because the receiver must put on a “happy face” or “fake it” as any good woman will tell you. The giver on the other hand is under no pressure. They can simply watch “the faker” and think to themselves, “I never really liked you anyway.”

Gift giving has always been a gamble and not the fun kind, but like most gambling you can be assured you will lose money.

Kids under nine years old are the easiest to buy for. You can literally walk into any toy store or department blindfolded and pick something. As long as you are gender correct, you win.

Kids between the ages of ten and ten thousand are also easy. Money is a sure bet, the only problem you can encounter is the amount. I say always go with your gut and by gut I mean nobody deserves more than twenty dollars.

Now my mother thinks that giving money is bad. I’ve never understood why. I guess it’s because she thinks it’s not personal enough, or cold. It’s been my experience that giving and receiving money has been a very pleasurable, personable and warm experience. Just ask Candy at ‘Club Grind-On-Me’. By the way they have excellent specials and there’s no cover Christmas day. Take my advice, saying you’re going for egg nog doesn’t work for a six hour excursion to the “club”. So think of something better.

All in all Christmas is a great way to avoid work, spend time with the family and drink excessively without the “stink eye” from loved ones. For some reason saying, “It’s Christmas” gets you out of all irresponsible behavior, like going out for egg nog and coming home six hours later covered in glitter.

“It’s Christmas glitter!”

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer to last week’s riddle was “Hugs the shore”. Seems like no one really cared to answer. Claire kinda, sorta answered, but sadly this isn’t a game of horseshoes.

Tonight’s riddle:

How much longer will this last?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Employee of the Year

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As you may or may not know, or more appropriately, couldn’t care less, I returned to smoking.

Before you call me names or cut me down citing my weakness, I didn’t return to the cloud because of an addiction to nicotine. No, I returned to meet interesting people who share in the disgusting habit.

Much like men in a locker room who feel open and free to divulge sexual escapades or views of racial discord, smokers feel as though you are “one of them” as thus can speak freely to you as if to say, “You and I are on a level to which I will talk and never stop even if you try to walk away”.

Recently just such an “instant friend” struck up a lighthearted conversation that yielded wonderful and interesting gems like, “We just got bought by some company out of Ireland, which I didn’t think was possible because we’re so big. They must have paid some serious money, ‘cause we’re such a large firm. I can’t even imagine what they must have paid. We’re huge!” I remember this not only for the fact that it was like listening to a robot stuck on a loop, but also because he revisited this “fact” several times during his monologue.

Let us not forget the average cigarette break is five minutes. This man said these lines eleven times. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Now I love my company as much as the next guy. OK, that’s not true, but even if I did, where does bragging rights come into play about the size of a company you work for? This guy was definitely not “upper crust”. He was a grunt just like the rest of us. I’ve never encountered someone who wanted to brag about the size of his employer.

I never thought I’d miss nor long for the topic of “threesomes” or “excessive drinking” to rear it’s ugly head. Even a good, “I’m well endowed” would have been acceptable.

So for all you braggarts out there, please try to stick to the classics.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer to last week’s riddle was “two lips, (tulips)”, hilarious. Those who answered correctly will receive a copy of, “Let Me Do It To You” the unauthorized biography of 1930’s adult film star Halmertz Kippermanstein.

Tonight’s riddle:

How does a boat show affection?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Granny Again

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Helpful hints from my dead grandmother:

There is no ‘B’ is supposedly.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer to last week was “he felt crummy”. As always, Claire pushes down the competition and gloats as she struggles to lift the 900 lbs. trophy over head. The prize? A $20 dollar gift card to ‘Jack in the Box’. That should end any and all feuding.

Tonight’s riddle:

What flower do you always wear?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Best Gift

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Helpful hints from my dead grandmother:

The best gift a man can give is his weakness.

Damn, that’s cold blooded granny!

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer was “a goose”, but since I love all my friends and fans more than anything, (and I like the tree answer) I’m making you all winners. You will all divide the two million dollars evenly amongst yourselves. Claire will be “the bank” to make it fair and make sure no one cheats. You can expect payment as soon as my lotto numbers hit.

Tonight’s riddle:

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!