Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

Employee of the Year

with 4 comments

As you may or may not know, or more appropriately, couldn’t care less, I returned to smoking.

Before you call me names or cut me down citing my weakness, I didn’t return to the cloud because of an addiction to nicotine. No, I returned to meet interesting people who share in the disgusting habit.

Much like men in a locker room who feel open and free to divulge sexual escapades or views of racial discord, smokers feel as though you are “one of them” as thus can speak freely to you as if to say, “You and I are on a level to which I will talk and never stop even if you try to walk away”.

Recently just such an “instant friend” struck up a lighthearted conversation that yielded wonderful and interesting gems like, “We just got bought by some company out of Ireland, which I didn’t think was possible because we’re so big. They must have paid some serious money, ‘cause we’re such a large firm. I can’t even imagine what they must have paid. We’re huge!” I remember this not only for the fact that it was like listening to a robot stuck on a loop, but also because he revisited this “fact” several times during his monologue.

Let us not forget the average cigarette break is five minutes. This man said these lines eleven times. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Now I love my company as much as the next guy. OK, that’s not true, but even if I did, where does bragging rights come into play about the size of a company you work for? This guy was definitely not “upper crust”. He was a grunt just like the rest of us. I’ve never encountered someone who wanted to brag about the size of his employer.

I never thought I’d miss nor long for the topic of “threesomes” or “excessive drinking” to rear it’s ugly head. Even a good, “I’m well endowed” would have been acceptable.

So for all you braggarts out there, please try to stick to the classics.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer to last week’s riddle was “two lips, (tulips)”, hilarious. Those who answered correctly will receive a copy of, “Let Me Do It To You” the unauthorized biography of 1930’s adult film star Halmertz Kippermanstein.

Tonight’s riddle:

How does a boat show affection?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!


4 Responses

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  1. First!

    As a departure from my usual “show up whenever the hell I feel like it,” I thought I’d get in on the ground floor this time.

    Just like smoking everyman you had the misfortune to converse with. I’d love to work for a big company. One so big that I’d have to speak of it constantly.

    “My company is so big it once had to levy an easement against God.”

    “My company is so big that other companies are actually protrating themselves before it, before being taken roughly from behind, economically speaking.”

    “My company is so big that I feel like a faceless cog. But not just any faceless cog. A big, big company’s faceless cog. Plus, I got this misguided superiority complex thrown in with my 401K. Only 8 more years and I’ll be vested.”

    “My company is so big that I am required to speak of its bigness unceasingly, in accordance with my ‘Big Co. Contract. Be aware of my company’s largeness and tremble. It’s like Zeus and Hercules and Jesus and Richard Branson rolled into one.”

    But enough about me and my huge company, which I keep in my pants. Here’s a business card. It’s actually more like a wall poster, because we are so damn big and small cards don’t really get that across. Not like big things do.

    A boat shows affection by…

    Being bouyant even in the roughest storms.
    Letting the water lap it gently.
    Running over annoying jetskiers.
    Not constantly referring to its poop deck.
    Offering you “any port in a storm,” if you know what I’m saying.

    Peace out.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    December 22, 2009 at 2:16 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, hilarious as always. I’m sure you know, but God is really hard to get an easement off of, (makes the railroad look like girl scouts on ecstasy) and you can’t forget mineral rights… Thanks for your wonderful comments. Peace in.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      December 29, 2009 at 3:15 am

  2. I’m probably going to be lynched for making an appearance here without visiting everyone else (Sorry CLT, Scott, you guys know I love you. I’ve been busy…)

    Anyway, I’m sorry to hear you went back to smoking. It’s been almost 9 months since I quit. The urges are still there, just not as bad.

    As for the big company, I’ve always worked for small companies.

    I’m not saying a word about the well-endowed braggarts in CLT’s pants.

    As for the boat – they show affection?

    Maybe because it never goes down?

    Claire Collins

    December 28, 2009 at 4:23 am

    • Claire Collins, I’m so honored to be blessed with a visit, (especially since you’re going to be lynched). I’m confused by your answer, how can I give you the trophy if you don’t at least give something??? Or is your answer “they never go down”?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      December 29, 2009 at 3:18 am

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