Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Archive for February 2010

Guess it

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For whatever reason, I’ve looked the creature in its mouth.

I’ve seen the cavities that rot the breathe being exhaled in my general direction.

I’ve felt the cold, dead touch; on my inner thigh, along my eye, and in my bellybutton.

No one can rescue the children of humiliation.

Not once has anyone raised a glass to a flag that didn’t wave goodbye.

Forever is an easy promise to break; flawed from the conception from which it was brought forth. Of course I’ll promise forever, it’s not like you could ever hold me to my word.

Play more harmonicas.

Wear more plaid.

Sip more hot beverages.

Smoke more cigarettes and ash in my brandy.

I like your sweaty, smelly, wet and sticky hair on my stomach.

I keep looking down, wandering around, as though I’m actually trying to find something or perhaps remember something…

Was I supposed to write a blog tonight?

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “incorrectly”. No one answered correctly, which only means twice as much winning-explosion next week!

Tonight’s riddle:

Why don’t people spot leopards in Africa?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Thinking Thoughts

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Thoughts are pretty cool, but in the matter of seconds can be very uncool, depending on your brain and training.

Thoughts span a wide range of flavor; from “What’s that smell?” to “What am I going to do with my life?”

Someone once told me that, “Thinking about infidelity is as bad, (or equal to) committing infidelity.” That seems a little much if not totally crazy.

But what I think the “meth-head” meant, was that thoughts can lead down a path to which you may find difficulty returning from.

Much like “granny naked” it’s hard to erase things from your mind once their seed has been planted, (regardless of how many times you hit the bong).

Once you’re cooking a thought, it’s going to be eaten, or at least stink up the kitchen.

It’s easy to become desensitized to insanity if you flirt with it daily. Similarly, the further you let your thoughts wander, the harder it is to come back home.

My thoughts have completely left me and I haven’t seen them since. I drink animal cookies from an empty orange juice carton.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “ajar”. Way to go Scott! You’ve won a nine-piece inflatable furniture set, compliments of “WayToGo Inc.”

Tonight’s riddle:

What’s an eleven-letter word that everyone pronounces incorrectly?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 15, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Smoke ’em If Ya Got ’em

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Every good smoker needs a collection of butts

Cigarettes are like prostitutes; despite the fact that you have to pay to get them it doesn’t take away from the pleasure of the experience. Smoking is like the best way to waste your money and life. You could argue that skydiving or nuclear research would be more note worthy, but then you probably don’t smoke. Being addicted to something that kills you is like saying to the Angel of Death, “Hey man, I don’t care. Haunt me all you want, I’m doing this for you.”

It's always good to have some light reading when smoking

I read in a medical journal the other day that smoking really isn’t that bad for you; it’s horrible. I don’t understand why though…  inhaling carcinogens doesn’t really seem like such a bad method of breathing. I inhale all kinds of toxic things everyday; car exhaust, factory smoke, gas fumes filling up the car, burning plastic, John’s aftershave.

Nothing's more sad than an empty ashtray

Smoking sure is cool. I can’t think of anybody that smokes that isn’t cool, well isn’t cool because they smoke. A lot of people who are terrible and despicable smoke, but not because they smoke. Non-smokers lack that coolness, you know that says, “Hey look, I’m slowly killing myself and I wear a leather jacket.”

She's got a sweet ash!

Sometimes when I’m smoking I think about my daughter visiting my coffin at my funeral. I think about missing her graduation or her wedding or holding my grand kids. Then I think, “Mmmm, that’s good.”

Cigarettes are expensive, but if I didn’t spend the money on cigarettes I’d be smoking twice as much crack and that couldn’t be good.

The thing about smoking, the thing you have to remember, is that respiratory illness is fun. Plus it opens you up to meeting all kinds of potential hot nurses.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “Because if they dropped them, they’d break.” Which is pretty much what everybody said, so everybody wins tickets to the Superbowl!

Tonight’s riddle:

When do you put pickles in door?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 8, 2010 at 3:39 am

I Watch the Weather

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This weekend a wintery storm came roaring into my neighborhood. It gave wonderful presents such as rain, sleet, ice and snow. While driving I noticed a sign that read, “Watch for Ice on Bridge”. So I did just that.

I sat up a folding chair and sat next to the bridge and watched for ice.

The ice came and it did find its way to the bridge. I can’t tell if the bridge iced over before the road or not, ’cause my back was turned to the road, (I was watching the bridge remember?).

After the coming of the ice, the trucks with plows followed. Then there was no ice on the bridge.

I got my can of spray paint and edited the sign. It now reads, “Don’t bother Watching for Ice on Bridge, the trucks take care of it.”

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

—Riddle Me Rooster—

The answer to last week’s riddle was “because they’re too lazy to cook”. Scott and fundamentaljelly rack up hash marks in the win column. Way to go fellas. You win 987 packets of mild sauce from Taco Bell.

Tonight’s riddle:

Why do chickens lay eggs?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 1, 2010 at 5:16 am