Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

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Archive for March 2010

Music Defines Us, But Who Made Us?

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Dedicated to people like http://capitalistliontamer.wordpress.com/

I couldn’t begin to image the circle of friends my readers run with, but I will share that my whole life has always had one person in the circle known as the “cool music guy”.

The “cool music guy” can be summed up as a person who has an incredible collection of music, so vast that it can not be completely listened to in any one lifetime, yet somehow they have and still seek out more.

They know things about artists, albums, bands, concerts, managers,  and recording companies that would leave the writers of any “Behind the Music” type show crying and in the fetal position.

They listen to things you don’t understand, things that blow your mind, things that make you “feel things in places that have long laid dormant”.

If you’re lucky enough, they’ll even “turn you on” to something you never thought you’d ever be listening to.

So the other day when I was driving around with my windows down, music blaring, telling the world, “Hey look at me, I’m cool!” I had this thought.

“This music I’m sharing with strangers via their open windows did not come from my personal collection. I didn’t seek out this music. I didn’t discover this band in the back of the music store and think I’ll give it a try. No, this music was given to me by someone. They gave me a CD and said to check it out.”

And it was with that thought that led to another thought, (as they often do).

“If I did just get this music handed to me and I didn’t really earn it or work to find it, can I really go around jamming it out in excess like I’m cool and hip? Doesn’t the credit really lie with the person who gave me this music? Am I really just a poser that would be listening to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ if left to my own resources?”

I turned the radio down, rolled up the windows and drove home.

Upon arriving home I got a book out and started to read.

It occurred to me, “Someone recommended this book to me.”

So I threw the book against the wall and went to the kitchen for a snack.

As I reached for the “squid ink fettucini” it came over me, “Someone said I should try this…”

Who am I?

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “noon”. Scott gets to be the winner again, (only because I thought he meant the Illuminati consisting of Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Namor, Black Bolt, Dr. Strange and Professor X).

Tonight’s riddle:

If you pulled out a five dollar bill to buy an eight dollar beer, how short are you?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Getting Down To It

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In this ever changing world, marked by a new trend in androgyny, we’ve all seen an uprise of metrosexuality, plastic surgery and unisex smocks.

It would only make sense to debate the most controversial and important dilemma in the history of man/woman/it psychology.

If you were to undergo gender reassignment surgery, would you, (upon healing) seek out to try “the new goods” with close friends or seek a strangers to engage the “breaking it in” stage?

Every one that I polled answered unanimously that they would refrain from “hooking up” with an existing friend.

Which is odd, because all the Hollywood movies I’ve ever seen make it crystal clear that your perfect mate lies in your “best friend”.

I think the part that would be most difficult, (as always) would be the holidays. Taking home that “new” special someone and saying something like, “Mom, Dad, you remember Dave?”

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “I have no idea”. Scott was by far the winner, not only because he was the only one to answer by wordpress time, but because it was a good answer, (much better than mine).

Tonight’s riddle:

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down and still be read from left to right?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 22, 2010 at 2:46 am

That’s No Police Officer

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I was wandering around, getting lost at a beautiful office park today.

It didn’t take long until I became very tired. I decided to crawl into the structure box of a curb inlet for a tasty, little nap.

My efforts were quickly thwarted by a very proficient, thorough, and overly bored security guard.

“Hey! What are you doing in there?” he demanded.

“I was attempting a tasty, little nap, but no dice, thanks to you.” I replied.

“Well, get out of there!” he insisted.

Normally I have nothing but love and respect for any and all authority figures.

But the guy… this “security guard” came rolling up in a Toyota Matrix… two door. Give me a break!

I fear and respect a Crown Vic’ and the Caprice, maybe even one of those “undercover sport cop cars”, but a Toyota Matrix? No way. Two door for crying in the night.

So he tased me.

What did I learn? Respect is measured not by the car, but by the voltage.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “a penguin rolling down the hill”. No correct answers were logged, so of course that means everyone who answered with anything at all wins! What did you win? What do you mean what did you win, you didn’t even answer correctly, what do you want, jeez?!

Tonight’s riddle:

If the equator is to the south and the north star is in the eastern hemisphere, what direction are you facing?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Country Gravy

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On an impulse buy I bought eleven pounds of sausage.

After weeks of making every dish I could think of that called for the deliciousness of pork product, (and some that did not) I got down to “just a little left”.

I awoke this morning and decided to make my favorite breakfast of all time, biscuits and gravy.

I opened the cupboard and found a package of gravy mix. Much to my surprise the “powder” had expired just shy of seven years prior. “Oh well,” I thought, “going to store is out of the question. That would require wearing pants!”

When I awoke in the hospital bed a nurse asked me, “How are you feeling?”

To which I replied, (in song):

If I cared where I was going

Then I’d care when I arrived

If when I got there was important

Then I’d take over and drive

If all the people passing me really did matter

Then I wouldn’t have eaten seven year old spice and flour

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “because they’re too tired, (or two tired)” which grasps desperately at the pun of two tires. The triumphant return of Claire, (or Tracy) yields a strong play for domination, but alas she must share her winnings with CLT and Scott. Please enjoy your own package of severely expired country gravy mix!

Tonight’s riddle:

What black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white…?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Emergency Superseded By Existentialism

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I’ve sniffed a lot of glue, so I’d like to think I’ve developed a knack for the craft. Now I can bore you with excuses and come up with all kinds of reasons as to why what happened, happened, but the truth is I got lazy and messed up.

Somehow I got the tube of model airplane glue to adhere to the inside of my nostril. What are you gonna do? Call an emergency room? Call the poison control center? Call your mom? NO! You get in your car and drive to your local, neighborhood, 24 hour pharmacy, (remember those Scott?) and walk up and down every aisle looking for anything that will loosen the death-grip of this hobby paste.

It was while walking each aisle that I found myself in the baby section. In this aisle there were diapers, formula, breast pumps, jams and jellies, powders, baby supplies of every facet, condoms and adult lubricants.

Now I know many people talked about the oddity, irony and mixed messages this sends out into the universe, but I honestly felt perplexed. I couldn’t tell what I was suppose to feel, what direction I was suppose to travel with this message.

Are they telling me to prevent pregnancy? Are they telling me to avoid contraception? Is it a promotion for celibacy? Is it a warning? Is it a sign? Is it a threat? Is it subliminal? Is it shouting so loud I can’t hear it? And why isn’t there porn on this aisle for those of us like me who become scared and confused by this aisle?

Worst of all I forgot all about my nasal-tube predicament. Instead I bought a bag of circus peanut and drove by the drive in theatre.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “because they already have spots”. Despite Scott’s strong argument for logic, Fundamental Jelly wins a year’s supply of model airplane glue with his correct answer. Way to go!

Tonight’s riddle:

Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!