Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

Emergency Superseded By Existentialism

with 21 comments

I’ve sniffed a lot of glue, so I’d like to think I’ve developed a knack for the craft. Now I can bore you with excuses and come up with all kinds of reasons as to why what happened, happened, but the truth is I got lazy and messed up.

Somehow I got the tube of model airplane glue to adhere to the inside of my nostril. What are you gonna do? Call an emergency room? Call the poison control center? Call your mom? NO! You get in your car and drive to your local, neighborhood, 24 hour pharmacy, (remember those Scott?) and walk up and down every aisle looking for anything that will loosen the death-grip of this hobby paste.

It was while walking each aisle that I found myself in the baby section. In this aisle there were diapers, formula, breast pumps, jams and jellies, powders, baby supplies of every facet, condoms and adult lubricants.

Now I know many people talked about the oddity, irony and mixed messages this sends out into the universe, but I honestly felt perplexed. I couldn’t tell what I was suppose to feel, what direction I was suppose to travel with this message.

Are they telling me to prevent pregnancy? Are they telling me to avoid contraception? Is it a promotion for celibacy? Is it a warning? Is it a sign? Is it a threat? Is it subliminal? Is it shouting so loud I can’t hear it? And why isn’t there porn on this aisle for those of us like me who become scared and confused by this aisle?

Worst of all I forgot all about my nasal-tube predicament. Instead I bought a bag of circus peanut and drove by the drive in theatre.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “because they already have spots”. Despite Scott’s strong argument for logic, Fundamental Jelly wins a year’s supply of model airplane glue with his correct answer. Way to go!

Tonight’s riddle:

Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!


21 Responses

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  1. Seriously, the baby ‘care’ industry is absolutely sick with profitability. By example, Babies ‘R Us generates half of the Toys ‘R Us profit with less than 1/3 of total sales. They really jam parents up with inflated prices on everything, and that stuff is so addictive, like airplane glue. Everytime I buy diapers at Costco, they give me this knowing look, like “you’ll be back…”

    Irreverantly, bicycles can’t stand up for themselves because they are enabled by their tougher, motorcycle cousins. Bicycles go in, shoot their mouths off, talk all kinds of crap, and then run and hide behind the motorcycles, who are super tough.

    Stupid bicycles, hate them so much.


    March 1, 2010 at 6:16 am

    • Michael, I feel your pain. You make valid points; this is why I always wear cloth diapers. Hate bicycles? You’re so American! That should be enough to win right there.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      March 8, 2010 at 4:06 am

  2. Its a weird aisle indeed and the pet supplies aisle is just a odd with you ask me. Hope your nose stays attached.

    As far as ‘Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves?’ Its because they’re so dang stupid.

    Fundamental Jelly

    March 2, 2010 at 7:13 am

    • Fundamental Jelly, don’t even get me started on the pet aisle… lots of wonderful snacks down there. What’s with all the bicycle hate?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      March 8, 2010 at 4:08 am

  3. Strange as it is, for the last month that I’ve been aimlessly roaming without internet, it’s been this blog that I’ve missed the most. I truly am a warped individual. Having said that, I have a ton of catching up to do across the board and all I can do is beg forgiveness for my lack of attention. I can also offer the fact that I’ve been working. Yes really.

    Come visit me and I’ll come back later and spend more time.

    Claire Collins

    March 5, 2010 at 4:29 am

    • And In my excitement at being back, I nearly forgot to answer the riddle, but damn if I can’t remember and I’m just two tired to even think about it anymore.

      Claire Collins

      March 5, 2010 at 4:34 am

    • Claire Collins, HOLY SCHMIDTZ! I’ve been calling hospitals for months now… so I’m angry, but yet relieved and happy that you’re alright. Who’s this Tracy person? Did she steal your idea? So glad to see you again.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      March 8, 2010 at 4:13 am

      • I was only missing for about a month or so! Tracy is the real person who let’s Claire come out and play as an alter ego. They both like you. Does that make it better?

        Claire Collins

        March 8, 2010 at 4:21 am

        • Claire Collins, pfft; what’s a month or so? I thought you were gone, lost is wine and piles of books. An alter ego? That’s ridiculous! Who would hide behind and alter ego?!?!? Tracy likes me? Is she a good dancer? Does she have feathers?

          Ramblin' Rooster

          March 8, 2010 at 4:27 am

          • She has two left feet and no feathers, but she has a ton of red hair that kinda matches that thing on your head.

            Claire Collins

            March 8, 2010 at 4:34 am

            • Claire Collins, she sounds wonderful! We’ve been over this, it’s a comb.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              March 8, 2010 at 4:40 am

              • It’s just so damn confusing. I comb my red hair and you have a red comb on your head. Can you see my confusion here?

                Claire Collins

                March 8, 2010 at 5:01 am

                • Claire Collins, I can’t see it, but I get it. Us red-heads gotsta stick together (and that solace should sate your confusion)!

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  March 8, 2010 at 5:45 am

  4. Well sure I remember those places where else could I find the nighttime, sniffing, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, so you can robotrip at three am medicine? Not to mention that since I lived in Florida….crack?

    I hope your nose is alright. Maybe you should go to a doctor before your nose falls off like that dude in The Salton Sea…

    Riddle; because they are two tired?

    Scott Oglesby

    March 7, 2010 at 7:26 am

    • Scott Oglesby, my nose says thanks for the inquiry and concern. What an amazing answer; like you know it’s right.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      March 8, 2010 at 4:15 am

  5. Shame about the model glue incident. However, you made the right choice by hitting the 24-hour pharmacy, where people with stuff stuck in other stuff are about all that wander thru their doors after midnight. No need to call attention to yourself by handling the crisis during regular business hours or in broad daylight.

    As for the bicycles…
    Well, it’s kind of like the guy running behind the bus that always felt “exhausted.” Same thing for the bikes. Only they’re always extremely “tired” X 2.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    March 7, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I’m glad my actions were the right ones. I would have waited until daybreak, but sleeping with a tube stuck in your nose proves difficult. You answer seems as if it came from your mind, not that I’m bothered, but I do love the past of your wonderful copy-cat antics.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      March 8, 2010 at 4:19 am

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