Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Make Mine Menstrual

with 12 comments

I’ve never noticed it before, but why does menstrual start with MEN?
Anyway, I want to have a period.
I watch thirty-six hours of television a day and I see commercial after commercial with these young, hot, girls having the time of their life while menstruating.
Now I know you’re going to try and argue with me about the bloating, can’t fit into my jeans, sitting sad and lonely, looking off in the distance commercials, but let me say this,
those are the lies and deceptive techniques manufactured by evil pharmaceutical companies to try and make you think that having a period is uncomfortable and displeasurable.
But I know better, they just want to sell pills. I’ve seen the commercials, those girls are living the life I can only dream about.
There’s no limit to what they can do. I want to do a cartwheel on a boat off the coast of a beautiful beach after winning my cheerleading competition and dancing the night away on a mountain top that I parachuted in from a helicopter from outer space. Who wouldn’t? It’s awesome!

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

I’m totally torn about the winner tonight. CLT took it straight to the source, Claire “No More” Collins busted a personal side story, Scott dropped funny and FJ sparked love. So does everybody win? Sure, why not?! You all win a month’s supply of pads, (with or without wings).

Tonight’s trivia question:

Who is The Sentry’s alter ego?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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12 Responses

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  1. As the token woman of this group, I have to say that I will give you all the rest of the periods I have left. 12 a year for the next 15 to 20 years. Have at it Rooster. I hope you enjoy every one of them. Just make sure you don’t miss one. If you do, It’s not mine.

    Claire Collins

    May 11, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    • Claire “T-Time” Collins, if you give me your periods, then you must have also gave me the baby. It just makes sense.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 18, 2010 at 2:49 am

      • oh no. I wasn’t there that day. You’re on your own. You ain’t pinning this one on me! I’m too young and irresponsible to be a mother!!!

        oh wait…

        I forgot about the 4 I already have. I’m still too young and irresponsible (Hence the FOUR I already have…)

        Claire Collins

        May 18, 2010 at 1:43 pm

  2. When advertisers try to show girls having a good time while on their “period”,that is actually “false advertising”, because NONE of that fun stuff happens while experiencing that “special” time of the month.

    So, don’t get lured into their trap…and be glad you don’t have to buy any “feminine” products…ok? Trust me on this.

    trishothinks

    May 12, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    • trishothinks, I suppose next you’re going to tell me girls don’t sleep naked and have pillow fights in their panties!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 18, 2010 at 2:50 am

  3. Those fun-loving girls and their periods are just like those fun-loving girls with their herpes medication. Look at them!

    They’re running on the beach with their partner! Now they’re on horseback, charging thru some open pasture! Oh, wow! They’re at the fair, laughing at some sort of private joke! Look, that one wants to take pilot lessons!

    They can do all this amazing stuff that they couldn’t do before they started menstruating/contracted herpes. It almost makes you want to get to know them better (during the other three weeks of the month) or possibly have a little carefree sex.

    Not so fast. Have you ever seen a guy doing all these activities while under the influence of permanent herpes? I never have. Apparently it affects them differently. They must just spend a lot of time in the dark crying or something equally as unpleasant and unmarketable.

    And in summation:

    The Sentry’s alter ego is: Ralph Turnbald, age 48, of St. Petersburg, Florida. Ralph is a lifetime fan of Jimmy Buffet and has read all of his books and consumed all of his proprietary mixed drinks, including the Margaritaville Margarita-Flavored Pre-Made Mix (just add Jimmy Buffett-brand tequila and a small part of your soul) and the Drunken Screw Tropical Fruit-Flavored Pre-Made Mix (just add Everclear and whatever’s remaining of your conscience).

    Ralph dreams of one day owning his own sailboat and moving to a tropical island paradise. He spends long hours at work daydreaming about his perfect life, which helps him cope with the tedium of rejecting life insurance claims.

    His alter ego, the Sentry, is yet another of his wild daydreams. At this point, Ralph has done nothing more than repeatedly sketch out costume designs and cruise Michael’s fabric section.

    As he has no sewing machine or sewing skills, this dream will most likely be unrealized as well, unless he can find that perfect woman: one who enjoys long, infected walks on the beach and periodically riding horseback.

    The perfect woman would also enjoy “pina coladas and getting caught in the rain,” until some dreamkiller points out that this song is sung by Rupert Holmes, not Mr. Buffett. During the long, drunken fight that ensues, Ralph will lose what’s left of his innocence and a surprising amount of blood.

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I love those commercials “I have genital herpes.” “And I don’t.” Man is that insensitive! I bet Ralph Turnbald is without cycles and breakouts! Golly, I dig your comments!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 18, 2010 at 2:54 am

  4. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

    Cheers
    Christian, iwspo.net

    Gypeannuapy

    May 15, 2010 at 12:54 pm

  5. Damn it, CLT beat me to the Valtrax/herpes punch. Fuck.

    I can tell you one thing Rooster, if I were a women I’d have had a hysterectomy at the age of 14. There is no way I could deal with that monthly bleeding, and there is no way in hell I would ever have kids. I can’t handle a headache or a broken coccyx for god’s sake.

    Not that I’m particularly great at being a man either. I’ve never worked on a car in my life….I’ve gotten of track, damn CLT.

    Riddle; The Gay Hostess?

    Scott Oglesby

    May 16, 2010 at 8:23 am

    • Scott Oglesby, don’t drink the herpes punch! How does one break a coccyx? Gay hostess? What’s gay about a creme filled sponge cake? Oh…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 18, 2010 at 2:58 am

  6. What if you buy the wrong tampon? Then you’re f$#@-ed.

    Michael

    May 18, 2010 at 4:58 am


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