Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Julia Roberts

with 6 comments

I’m in love with Julia Robert’s teeth.
I want to marry her left canine.
I’m unsure if marrying all her teeth would count as bigamy and I’m afraid to ask.
I’d polish and buff that beautiful tooth every four hours, (or as needed).
We’d walk the red carpet, (in my hallway, not Hollywood).
We’d laugh, we’d sing, we’d carry on all night long.
I’d be indifferent to all the stares and my lovely tooth-wife would be indifferent to all the stairs, (’cause she’d ride along in my breast pocket).
I guess that means I’d have to buy shirts that have a breast pocket.
Carrying her in my pants pocket is just a little too much, (if you know what I mean).
I don’t know… that right central incisor is pretty hot too.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was Bob Reynolds, but it doesn’t matter now ’cause he was killed by the newly reformed ‘Avengers’. So CLT, (with that whop ’em answer) gets the fabulous vacation prize package worth over eight million dollars, (available right after the demurrage of “some” amount is secured, sorry no COD).

Tonight’s trivia question:

What is Norman Osborn’s hair suppose to be, seriously?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Make Mine Menstrual

with 12 comments

I’ve never noticed it before, but why does menstrual start with MEN?
Anyway, I want to have a period.
I watch thirty-six hours of television a day and I see commercial after commercial with these young, hot, girls having the time of their life while menstruating.
Now I know you’re going to try and argue with me about the bloating, can’t fit into my jeans, sitting sad and lonely, looking off in the distance commercials, but let me say this,
those are the lies and deceptive techniques manufactured by evil pharmaceutical companies to try and make you think that having a period is uncomfortable and displeasurable.
But I know better, they just want to sell pills. I’ve seen the commercials, those girls are living the life I can only dream about.
There’s no limit to what they can do. I want to do a cartwheel on a boat off the coast of a beautiful beach after winning my cheerleading competition and dancing the night away on a mountain top that I parachuted in from a helicopter from outer space. Who wouldn’t? It’s awesome!

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

I’m totally torn about the winner tonight. CLT took it straight to the source, Claire “No More” Collins busted a personal side story, Scott dropped funny and FJ sparked love. So does everybody win? Sure, why not?! You all win a month’s supply of pads, (with or without wings).

Tonight’s trivia question:

Who is The Sentry’s alter ego?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Millionaire

with 13 comments

I was hanging out with my entrepreneur friend this weekend.
He’s infectious, always talking about this million dollar idea and that million dollar idea; “get rich or die trying”.
His energy and excitement for taking over the world just rubs off on you, like a homeless man brushing up against you on a subway.
It got me to thinking…
I have a million idea that I want to try. It’s called “Traveling at the Speed Light”. Wouldn’t that be fun?
It works like this: Get on an elevator, wait for the doors to close and push the floor that you are currently on, (ex. if you get on the elevator on the 4th floor, push four).
The result, you are instantly there! You just traveled at the speed of light!
That’d be $19.95 please.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was exactly, word for word what Fundamental Jelly said, uncanny. Congratulations FJ, you win a gift certificate to your favorite nail salon. Parting gifts of Lee Press-On Nails for all those who turned your fabulous answers, but come on, FJ’s was just too funny.

Tonight’s riddle:

You hear growling, you see me put an uncooked steak in my pants, you see scratching, what’s in there?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Take It and RUN!

with 14 comments

I walking down the street today, minding my own business, looking for coins, cans, aluminum foil, energy bar wrappers and anything else that’s shiny when a stranger approached me.
I know what you’re saying, “Stranger Danger”, but honestly this stranger didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, so I through caution to the wind.
However they did seem in a bad way.
The stranger, a woman, asked, “I’m so sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you had a cell phone I could use? I need to call a tow truck, my car quit on me around the corner…”
I didn’t reply, I just reached in my pocket and handed her my phone.
“Oh thank you!” she exclaimed. She actually said thank you, (this is important because of what happens next). She takes my phone and bolts in a mad sprint.
I’m so shocked and stunned, that it takes a few seconds to give chase.
She whips the first left she can make down an alley, (smart move, except if you’re being chased in a movie) unfortunately this one is not a dead-end. Perhaps if I was meaning to rape, kill or rob her the alley would have had no way out. In effort to make some “Hollywood moments” I did shout out the occasional “Hey!” “Stop!” “Come back here!”. I was able to refrain from “Why you…”
Down the alley the thief took a left; up to the next street where she took another left; down to the next intersection taking another left and finally left down the alley. The cycle repeated over and over and it didn’t take long to realize that we were going in circles. Perhaps she was trying to wear me out. I thought of stopping and waiting for her to come around, but couldn’t take the chance that she might look behind her periodically to see if I’d “wised up” to her loop scheme. So ’round and ’round we went till eventually we turned to butter. Then my friend Sambo took that butter and put it on his flapjacks.
Epilogue: Who is long distance provider?

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was exactly, word for word what CLT said and so he is the winner, (along with Scott ’cause I love those who piggy-back). Your prize is a stack of Sambo’s famous flapjacks, (butter not provided).

Tonight’s riddle:

How do you slap a blonde without touching her?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 26, 2010 at 4:28 am

Meaning of Life

with 19 comments

My father came visit this weekend.
We we’re talking.
He’s getting on in the years.
One thing lead to another and I asked the question, “Do you fear dying?”
His response?
“Who gives a shit?”

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was “Surveyed monuments of quarter sections” but since no one could tell that I’m going with Michael’s “Terminator’s eye”, (’cause that’s what I was thinking).

Tonight’s riddle:

How do you make a meal with no food?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Everyone’s Favorite Game

with 16 comments

Time to play everyone’s favorite internet photo-game, Fundamental Jelly, (lawsuit pending)

Tonight’s game is, “What the hell is that?”

Boy, that's weird

That's strange as well...

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was “Love”. Not cool man!

Tonight’s riddle:

[See above]

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 12, 2010 at 2:46 am

When It’s Bad

with 18 comments

If you’ve ever been alive, you’ve probably had a bad day, or moment, or thought.
Maybe you drank too much at a Christmas party and set the tree on fire.
Perhaps you stole your mother’s purse for “crack money” only to discover outside your dealer’s house that you mistakenly grabbed her winter purse after she switched to her summer purse.
Possibly you’ve had your “fully exposed” body posted on the internet without your permission.
By chance you’ve been arrested for sexually assaulting a parking meter in downtown Detroit.
No matter what your situation, not matter how hard you think you’ve had it, no matter how low you think you’ve sunk, you don’t know bad until you’re checking the rearview mirror for bodies.
“I don’t remember a speed bump on this road”.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

-Ramble me Rooster-

The answer to last week’s riddle was, “3′-8″”. Scott is the winner again for he seemed to be on my level…

Tonight’s riddle:

A=X, W=B, M=Q What does L-O-V-E spell?

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!