Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Posts Tagged ‘accident

I Fell Down And Hit My Head

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You’ll have to excuse me…

 

There was a banana peel on the floor in the hallway by the break room…

 

I wasn’t paying attention…

 

My feet, they left the ground…

 

How could both feet slip on one banana peel?

 

I was carrying my lunch, a soda, the newspaper, my MP3 player, and ironically a bag of ice…

 

I was able to throw all of those things with beautiful and symmetrical arcs into the air, but unable to get my arms down to brace my falling body…

 

My tailbone found the concrete floor first, but the back of my head was a close second…

 

The shot to my head changed the color of the world and I swear I could taste fruit punch…

 

I became very warm… it was hot and difficult to breathe… I was sweating, but only on the inside…

 

I just laid there for a moment or sixteen, thinking to myself, “What is that buzzing sound?”…

 

Once the feeling returned to my legs, I propped myself up…

 

Just then the audio returned as I started to hear bellowing laughter and applause…

 

I became very angry…

 

I began to plot my revenge…

 

This is not over by any means…

 

(to be continued tomorrow)

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 22, 2009 at 3:33 am

I’d Rather Kill Myself Than Inflict Self Injury

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I don’t have to tell you that the whole point of life is to look and act cool, thus making people believe that you are in fact cool. Seems simple and easy in theory, but humans have a nasty habit of being uncool. One of the easiest and most familiar ways to appear or be uncool is to look like an idiot.

 

Just to be clear, idiots are not the same as morons. Idiots are random and ever changing. An idiot one day can be totally cool the next, whereas a moron is a moron, regardless of what day it is. But this is not about idiots vs. morons, so let’s move on.

 

Most of the time looking like an idiot stems from an action that is ultimately your fault. A lot of us get away with idiotic actions because most of the time people are too involved with their own life to notice. Then there are those times when you might be subjected to someone’s candid view and you are their entertainment. Here’s a great example. I was outside at work during the last ice storm, across the street at a hotel a young couple had gone for pizza. They were walking towards the lobby and the sidewalk was iced over pretty good. There was an elevation difference to the door and the guy carrying the pizza tried to jump to the top of the sidewalk, (I guess to avoid the ice?). His feet left solid ground and he became parallel with the parking lot in the air. Afterwards he came crashing down with the pizzas cushioning his fall. Making a fool of yourself in front of “your girl” is an automatic idiot. Thus proving, the worst kind of idiotic behavior is self inflicted injury.

 

The best kind is when someone is showing off, like riding a motorcycle in a dare devilish way and wiping out or driving as though they are on a racetrack and getting a ticket. When the person being an idiot deserves it, because their actions are undeniably idiotic, for a short moment everything seems right in the world. Some other good ones are:

 

-Buring yourself with food, drinks, a match, lighter, cigarette, etc.

-Stabbing yourself with toothpicks, knifes, scissors, etc.

-Tripping over things, (extra points if it’s your own feet)

-Hitting your head, (extra points if it’s in a place that you should be familiar with the dimensions, like your house)

-Slamming your own fingers in doors, windows, etc.

-Trying to get out of the car with your seatbelt still on

-Pulling a “landline” phone off of a desk or unplugging it by over extending the reach of the cord

-Burning yourself on the stove, (I’m sorry, but that’s like the third thing you learn in life, “Stove! Hot! No touch!”)

-Locking your keys inside of anything

-Walking into signs, doors, parked cars, etc.

-Pouring out or spilling your drink by trying to look at your watch

-Startling yourself or hurting your ears, either by turning on your car with the radio to loud or turning on your headphones and blowing out your eardrums

-Kicking something by accident and stubbing your toe, (in the dark is no excuse)

-Zipping up skin in your zipper

-Getting gum in your hair

 

-Reading this blog… HEY! Who said that?!?!

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 14, 2009 at 3:37 am

I Killed Bambi’s Mother

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My whole life, my whole career as a licenced driver has fallen from my perfect “no kill” record. Yes, it’s true, I hit a deer last night.

For those of you keeping track at home on your score card, I had just bought a new car recently. So recently in fact, that I have only made one payment. Now the cars sits at some strange body shop, probably wondering why I made it an accessory to murder then abandoned it with strangers. Please forgive me car.

Here’s how things went down. I picked up my daughter in a rural, little town and was heading back on a dark, two lane blacktop in the middle of nowhere. We began having a lovely conversation when all of sudden five deer started entering the highway. I slammed on my breaks, swerved as far away from them as I could, but to no avail, I hit the leader. I immediately called the highway patrol and they asked for the mile marker where it happened, if everyone was alright and said I was free to go.

As I kept driving, I kept hearing “chunks” of my car falling off. I could tell that I lost a headlight, but figured I needed to pull over to check things out. I stopped at the next rest area. As I pulled up in the parking stall, my headlight frame fell out and I drove over it. I got out and looked, it was bad, but as my daughter said, it could have been a lot worse. A trucker who had stopped for his evening jog around the parking lot, (don’t ask, we’ll veer too far away from this story) brought over some duct tape to help keep my fender up, off the wheel. He too told me how lucky I was by telling me the story of his sister who lives in Minnesota that hit a deer and how it came through her windshield and she had to go to the hospital. I thanked him, got back in my car and headed for home. I could still hear piece after piece fall from my car as I drove. Every time I drove over a dip or low spot in the pavement, some hangy-down part would scrape the road. All I could think of was, “Please let me make it home, please!”

It took a long time for the shock to wear off and I felt extremely bad for the deer, (get your score cards out again) because I love animals. I’m one of those people that doesn’t even stop to think about a person being killed in a movie, but clinches up and holds my breath if an animal is in danger. I also started to feel bad about being so concerned for my car, but come on, it still has the “new car smell”. I never cared for my cars, ever, but this was the one car I was going to try and keep nice, to protect and take care of.

The next day I took my car in and got a rental. They only had two to choose from and when asked which one I wanted, I foolishly said, “I don’t care.” The one they gave me was filthy, stinky, the seat was terribly uncomfortable, (oddly uncomfortable and dipped down in front, making you lean forward towards the steering wheel) and my head touched the roof. I drove it home only to turn around to take it back to swap for the other one. They were fine with swapping and in no time I was out the door and into my new rental car. The parking lot was flat, (meaning there were no curb stops) so I started the car, put the gear in drive and started to leave. Instantly,  I heard a grinding/scraping noise. I got out and looked and I’ll be darned if there wasn’t a traffic cone under the car. I got back in and had to back up to get it out. All I could think about were the people watching me, thinking to themselves, “He just dropped off his car that he wrecked and now he can’t even make it out of the parking lot. He ain’t gonna make it.”

The ironic part of the whole thing, was driving back after the accident, after the initial shock wore off and passing along the message from my son to my daughter that I had just picked up. I kid you not, he really told me to say this, “Tell her I said hello and I hope she enjoys her drive in” Fat chance.

You think I could blame him for cursing the drive and thus causing the accident?

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 8, 2008 at 5:29 am