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Please Borrow My Stuff Please

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Have you ever found yourself in an awkward position? No, I’m not talking about that “incident” from last year, just an awkward situation with a person in general. Sure you have, we all have. The awkward situation creator I’ll be focusing on tonight is the chronic and habitual lender, or as it’s clinically known, CHL.


CHL is someone that suffers from an obsessive and panic stricken need to lend their property, time or in some occasions “expertise”. Often times they’ll linger around corners or hide under desks waiting for an open ended sentence to pounce on. For example you might say to someone, “My sink is clogged up. I guess I’ll have to go buy one of those cheap snakes at the store tonight.” Suddenly, out of nowhere, the CHL sufferer appears and says to you, “Hey man, I got a 50 foot industrial, electrical, snake I bought from my brother-in-law when his company went bankrupt after the indictment. I could bring it over to your house tonight if you want.” To which you reply, “Ah, that’s alright, but thanks for offering.”


Now I know a few of you out there will play the Devil’s advocate and say that this CHL person is just being nice and trying to help someone out. I’m not saying that all people offering to lend things are diagnosed CHL cases and in some instances it’s a blessing to have someone loan you something. What you’re not seeing is that most CHL carriers are people that you’re not very good friends with, have a weird past with or for no explainable reason they just give you a “funny” vibe. Also, there are those times when what you’re saying isn’t exactly the truth, perhaps your sink is clogged, but you were exaggerating about the snake to over emphasize the fact that it was clogged. Whatever the case or reason, the fact remain that you said no. It’s the CHL that takes it to the scary place.


What’s the scary place? It’s where the awkwardness comes into play. The CHL person offered to loan you something. You said no thank you. Then there is often a short moment of silence, (which is where you should, if you can, get the hell out of there). Then the CHL kicks in. “You sure? It would be no problem. I hardly ever use it. It just sits around not being used. I wasn’t doing anything tonight anyway, besides I live like 57 miles away from you, I’d probably be driving by there anyway. You can use it if you want. I don’t care. It’d sure beat having to go buy one. Those crappy, cheap ones from the store won’t do anything anyway. You’d just be wasting your money. The one I got is like professional grade.” On and on, you get the idea.


At some point your eyes glaze over and the words sound like someone just shot a gun off next to your ear. It’s not like you’re being disingenuous about appreciating the offer, but you’re just not interested. Yet, for whatever reason the CHL infected human just doesn’t get it. They want you to borrow their “stuff” or “thing”, they down right need you to. Why can’t they see that me borrowing from you is not an extension of friendship. Or is it?


Maybe I’m overreacting, or maybe it’s because you never returned my leaf blower.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 9, 2009 at 3:49 am