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Posts Tagged ‘borrowing

Please Borrow My Stuff Please

with 4 comments

Have you ever found yourself in an awkward position? No, I’m not talking about that “incident” from last year, just an awkward situation with a person in general. Sure you have, we all have. The awkward situation creator I’ll be focusing on tonight is the chronic and habitual lender, or as it’s clinically known, CHL.


CHL is someone that suffers from an obsessive and panic stricken need to lend their property, time or in some occasions “expertise”. Often times they’ll linger around corners or hide under desks waiting for an open ended sentence to pounce on. For example you might say to someone, “My sink is clogged up. I guess I’ll have to go buy one of those cheap snakes at the store tonight.” Suddenly, out of nowhere, the CHL sufferer appears and says to you, “Hey man, I got a 50 foot industrial, electrical, snake I bought from my brother-in-law when his company went bankrupt after the indictment. I could bring it over to your house tonight if you want.” To which you reply, “Ah, that’s alright, but thanks for offering.”


Now I know a few of you out there will play the Devil’s advocate and say that this CHL person is just being nice and trying to help someone out. I’m not saying that all people offering to lend things are diagnosed CHL cases and in some instances it’s a blessing to have someone loan you something. What you’re not seeing is that most CHL carriers are people that you’re not very good friends with, have a weird past with or for no explainable reason they just give you a “funny” vibe. Also, there are those times when what you’re saying isn’t exactly the truth, perhaps your sink is clogged, but you were exaggerating about the snake to over emphasize the fact that it was clogged. Whatever the case or reason, the fact remain that you said no. It’s the CHL that takes it to the scary place.


What’s the scary place? It’s where the awkwardness comes into play. The CHL person offered to loan you something. You said no thank you. Then there is often a short moment of silence, (which is where you should, if you can, get the hell out of there). Then the CHL kicks in. “You sure? It would be no problem. I hardly ever use it. It just sits around not being used. I wasn’t doing anything tonight anyway, besides I live like 57 miles away from you, I’d probably be driving by there anyway. You can use it if you want. I don’t care. It’d sure beat having to go buy one. Those crappy, cheap ones from the store won’t do anything anyway. You’d just be wasting your money. The one I got is like professional grade.” On and on, you get the idea.


At some point your eyes glaze over and the words sound like someone just shot a gun off next to your ear. It’s not like you’re being disingenuous about appreciating the offer, but you’re just not interested. Yet, for whatever reason the CHL infected human just doesn’t get it. They want you to borrow their “stuff” or “thing”, they down right need you to. Why can’t they see that me borrowing from you is not an extension of friendship. Or is it?


Maybe I’m overreacting, or maybe it’s because you never returned my leaf blower.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 9, 2009 at 3:49 am

Rental Agreement

with 2 comments

As you all don’t know, I’m quite the anally retentive loaner of my personal things. I’ve always been a big protect and baby my things kind of guy. I deny all allegations that this stems from a materialistic or shallow place, but rather I just like to keep my stuff in pristine condition. Quite simply, I take care of my crap.


I’ve always been horrified when I go to someone’s house and see piles of jacket less/case less CDs stacked in the corner. I cringe at greasy finger prints and scratches on DVD rentals. I shiver at people unplugging something from the wall or unit by yanking on the cord and I tense up when I see people swinging or twirling things by the cords.


Recently, my boss wanted to borrow some of my DVDs for the weekend. I felt hesitant to say yes, but after all, he is my boss and all. What better way to look “cool” or “down with it” than doing something I’d rather not that makes me very uncomfortable?


To make things better for me, I decide I’d draw up a rental agreement. A little something to sooth my worried mind. Much to my surprise, my boss actually got a big kick out of my “contract” and even helped me with the drafting of it in some places.


The following is a copy of that agreement. As always, to protect the innocent, the part of my boss will be played by none other than Mr. Smith, (all the way from Washington).




I, Mr. Smith, herein referred to as BORROWER; enter into the binding contract with Ramblin’ Rooster, herein referred to as OWNER, on this day, January 23, 2009.

This agreement is in conjunction with the lending/borrowing of the following items, herein referred to as MATERIAL:

The Office (DVD) Season One

The Office (DVD) Season Two

The Office (DVD) Season Three

The Office (DVD) Season Four


The BORROWER acknowledges and agrees with the following:

1.       All DVDs were taken into possession in Near Mint Condition, including, but not limited to;. DVDs, (discs) are free from scratches, fingerprints and residues, all original packaging is included and all cases are free from tears, scuffs, folds, bends and soiling of any kind

2.       All DVDs, (discs) will be handled by the outer most edges and the storage post receptacle, (inside hole) and never touched on the media storage area or in a manner that violates standard DVD, CD, Compact Disc care as found on any material labeled “Handling Instruction”.

3.       The BORROWER shall not wipe, clean or use solutions on any of the MATERIAL.

4.       The BORROWER shall not extend, loan or give the MATERIAL to any third parties.

5.       Sole responsibility falls upon the BORROWER for the end use of the MATERIAL and holds harmless the OWNER of any wrong doing as a result.

6.       Normal rental fees are waived by the OWNER, due to the BORROWER being the boss.

7.       The BORROWER will keep the MATERAL for no longer than two week, including weekends and holidays.

8.       Should the BORROWER violate any of the above provisions, the BORROWER agrees to replace the MATERIAL.

9.       MATERIAL subject to inspection before agreement is effective by the BORROWER and upon return of MATERIAL by the OWNER.

Perhaps it’s not that amusing. Be that as it may, I think everyone should develop a shrewd, business side for the purposes of lending their personal belongings to people. The world would be so professional.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

January 27, 2009 at 4:57 am