Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Posts Tagged ‘candy

Easter Is Weird

with 4 comments

First off, let me just say I welcome any of your religious comments and you’re can certainly educate me in the traditions of Easter. My reference for tonight comes from a life without religion and the basic idea of holiday celebration from a generic and commercial stand point. Glad we settled that, so let’s get to it.

 

Easter is totally weird and I don’t get it. Most of the other holidays I don’t get either, but Easter is far and away the most strange. I guess it comes from the fact that traditions are centuries old and handed down to us through the ages, where the meaning gets lost or abandoned. Similar to a game of telephone, where one person whispers something to the next person and they whisper it to the next person and so on and so on until it gets to the end anyone see how much the phrase got changed.

 

I am also readily aware of the gigantic commercialism machine that likes to gobble up everything and tries to spit out “positive sells numbers”. I know it is easy business to get people to buy stuff when they think they have to or because people have been buying it for so long that even the idea of questioning it is exhausting. There’s nothing like guilt or tradition to drive the economy.

 

Despite this enlightenment, chocolate bunnies, crème filled eggs, baskets of fake grass, candy carrots, egg painting, egg hiding, egg searching and miscellaneous candy and gifts just thrown in there for whatever reason, are bizarre. Seeing pre-made Easter baskets filled with blindingly cheap produced toys lining the shelves at the store is disturbing. I feel sorry for any child that gets one of these. If you’re going to give your child a bunch or crap, have the decency to at least pick out the stuff and put together your own basket.

 

It’s spring time, fertility is in the air, kids go find the eggs you painted earlier, that we hid from you so that you could go find them. Then we can have green, pink, blue and red egg salad for the next two weeks. WTF man? For real!

 

I got my picture taken with the Easter Bunny. That’s how bad it is.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 13, 2009 at 4:40 am

Candy That’s Good For You

with 2 comments

I’ve got a wonderful idea. Vegetable candy. Wait come back, where are you going?

I know it sounds disgusting and I’m sure it would be, but that’s not the point. The point is why hasn’t anyone made it yet? Oh yeah, because it’d be disgusting and no one would like it, so therefore no one would buy it.

Well, they make fruit flavored candy that doesn’t really taste like the fruit it’s suppose to represent. Why couldn’t they make vegetable flavored candy that didn’t really taste like vegetables, but rather delicious candy? They make carrot cake and carrots are vegetables. Also you have sweet potato cassarole, sweet corn bread, rutabaga pie, avocado ice cream and yogurt dishes out the wazoo. So why not vegetable candy?

My intial thought was hard candy or chewy candy with a hard shell, but I guess you could do candy bars as well.

I’m thinking for hard candy, (or the chewy with the hard shell)…

Flavors: potato, corn, green bean, cauliflower, broccoli, carrot, zucchini, mushroom, egg plant, squash and cucumber.

And my candy bar line… 

Green Corn – Green Beans and corn, covered in caramel and chocolate.

Patty Cake – Chunks of potatoes and carrots covered in white chocolate with almonds.

Mushini – Mushrooms, zucchini and peanut butter wrapped in a corn husk and sprinkled with broccoli florets.

And as an added bonus, my frozen sensation: Ranchoccoli – broccoli with cheese smothered in ranch dressing on a stick.

Man, I never knew brocoli, cauliflower, and zucchini were so hard to spell.

Can anyone loan my some money to make my mortgage payment? I just blew my savings on a stupid vegetable candy factory.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 21, 2008 at 5:06 am

What Happened To Halloween?

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Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I think it’s in part to the fact that I love autumn, but also it’s because Halloween is like no other holiday. It was always separate from all the others, far and away it’s own special day. Think about it. It’s the only holiday that doesn’t make you honor, observe, give thanks or struggle with religious significance. It was dark, scary, spooky, eerie and sometimes even horrifying.

What do you think would happen if you showed up to a New Year’s party dressed as a ghoul with a bloody axe in your head and fake guts hanging out. You got that right, you’d be called a freak and immediately ostracized. How about going to Easter mass dressed as the devil, man that’d be fun. I’m sure you’d really enjoy the stories about what happened, after you came to in the emergency room days later. Halloween allows you to cross over to the dark side, to touch the gruesome and grotesque. If only for one night. What other holiday offers you something like that?

Let’s not forget about the candy. You might find a parade once in a while where people throw out candy, but it usually falls in a pile of house manure, tastes like gasoline or gets run over by a Shriner in a midget car just as you’re reaching for it. Halloween says, “Free candy from as many doors as you can knock on before the porch light goes out”. While some houses give better treats than others, it really shouldn’t serve as any kind of discouragement, it’s all free. Don’t like it, throw it out. Maybe you’re saying to the screen, “But Ramblin’, I’m a full grown adult, how do I get free candy?” “What are kids for?” that’s what I say. Don’t have kids, well where do you think the saying, “Like hiding in the bushes, pouncing out and taking candy from kids dressed up like dinosaurs, pirates and princess” comes from?

Lately though, it seems as though Halloween has been bought by the “Giant Wussy” corporation. I think the beginning of the downfall was when parents stopped making their children’s costumes and/or kids stopped “going” as general things, (like a skeleton, vampire, witch, etc.). Today all the kids are beatin’ the asphalt as corporate sponsors. Every time I open the door I feel like someone is going to ask me to buy a vacuum or encyclopedias, but instead of asking if they can give me a quick demonstration they just want free candy. I don’t mind giving it away, but I’d like to see some creativity, some effort, some, (dare I say it?) pizzazz! The other thing I’ve noticed is some people have taken to decorating their lawns with inflatable ornaments. Am I only the only one who thinks BB gun? Inflatables and Halloween go together like peanut butter and ketchup. It’s ridiculous. I saw a pumpkin tonight that had three ghosts popping out the top, all of which were soft and cartoony, wearing big smiles on their faces. WTF?! Halloween is for zombies, ghouls, gremlins, ghosts, bats, skulls, mummies, gigantic spiders, gallons of fake blood and the haunted, not the Care-Bears, Smurfs, or Strawberry Shortcake.

Is it too much to ask to scare the shit out of children, rendering them permanently scared, needing years of therapy to return to normal life?

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster, MD, PsyD, Child Psychologist (free consultations beginning November 1st, call for details)

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 31, 2008 at 2:57 am