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Posts Tagged ‘diet

100 Calorie Pack My Ass

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I’ve been told time and time again, by a variety of sources that America is under attack from an epidemic. That epidemic would be morbid obesity. I can’t think of anything being more horribly named than morbid obesity. Just hearing that would make me want to die. Weight seems to be a non-stop topic of this country and if you’ve ever spent time with a woman, especially long enough for the butterflies to wear off, you definitely know all about how obsessed people can become with weight. You might be asking yourself, what does my television has to say about this. Funny you should ask, because right now it’s screaming, “100 calorie pack”. I’ve always been impressed with science and the amazing achievements that can come from people with brains the size of planets. Figuring out how the human body works, exploring space, discovering cures for disease, tracking the history of the world and taking a dessert that I love and reducing the calories in it. Incredible! There are two things here that really trip my trigger. One is that they can make something an exact calorie count. Isn’t it like “in the ballpark of” or “pretty damn close to”? How can they be so sure of themselves? I wish I had that kind of confidence. Two is the fact that diet or reduced calorie consumables are disgusting. What makes a sweet taste good? The answer is fat and sugar, especially if it’s fried. On occasion there have been moments in my life where I have accidentally been served or for one reason or another had to drink a diet soda pop. Although I’m exaggerating, I’d rather drink urine than diet pop. I’ve actually had people tell me that they prefer the taste of diet drinks. These are the people that I avoid in life. These are the people, right or wrong, that I want nothing to do with ever. Diet food and reduce calorie items are just wrong. There is no diet food growing naturally in the universe. You can argue that this fruit or this vegetable is good for you, blah, blah, blah, but that’s not what I’m saying. My point is that you can’t go up to an apple tree and pick a reduced calorie apple. There’s only the one selection. The same goes for desserts. You shouldn’t be able to eat a box full of cookies and feel OK because it was reduced calories. You should just eat a few “full fat fledged maximum calorie cookies” like a sane person. Don’t waste the gift of taste on something diet. That’s just crazy. In closing, I read in a highly creditable nutritional magazine that diet and reduced calorie items were invented by Satan. Egg On! Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 30, 2009 at 4:03 am

Candy That’s Good For You

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I’ve got a wonderful idea. Vegetable candy. Wait come back, where are you going?

I know it sounds disgusting and I’m sure it would be, but that’s not the point. The point is why hasn’t anyone made it yet? Oh yeah, because it’d be disgusting and no one would like it, so therefore no one would buy it.

Well, they make fruit flavored candy that doesn’t really taste like the fruit it’s suppose to represent. Why couldn’t they make vegetable flavored candy that didn’t really taste like vegetables, but rather delicious candy? They make carrot cake and carrots are vegetables. Also you have sweet potato cassarole, sweet corn bread, rutabaga pie, avocado ice cream and yogurt dishes out the wazoo. So why not vegetable candy?

My intial thought was hard candy or chewy candy with a hard shell, but I guess you could do candy bars as well.

I’m thinking for hard candy, (or the chewy with the hard shell)…

Flavors: potato, corn, green bean, cauliflower, broccoli, carrot, zucchini, mushroom, egg plant, squash and cucumber.

And my candy bar line… 

Green Corn – Green Beans and corn, covered in caramel and chocolate.

Patty Cake – Chunks of potatoes and carrots covered in white chocolate with almonds.

Mushini – Mushrooms, zucchini and peanut butter wrapped in a corn husk and sprinkled with broccoli florets.

And as an added bonus, my frozen sensation: Ranchoccoli – broccoli with cheese smothered in ranch dressing on a stick.

Man, I never knew brocoli, cauliflower, and zucchini were so hard to spell.

Can anyone loan my some money to make my mortgage payment? I just blew my savings on a stupid vegetable candy factory.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 21, 2008 at 5:06 am