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Drowning In Disclaimers

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I don’t know about you, but the world I remember was a scary one. When I was a kid doctors smoked while examining you. Infants were laid on the front seat, wedged in with a book while traveling in a car. Boiling hot coffee came in a cup that didn’t tell you that you were holding boiling hot coffee and albums didn’t warn parents of their explicit content. The list goes on and on. Boy, those were horrible times.


This is all a very gray area for me, because I become a little hypocritical. On the one hand, I think the abundance of warning labels and disclaimers is silly and ridiculous. Most of the time they really state the obvious and when they don’t, it’s usually something that people really should know. An example would be like, “Cigarettes contain toxins that will kill you”. Who doesn’t know that? Who is that for? Does anyone pick up a pack of cigarettes and read the box, screech in horror, put them down and walk away telling themselves, “That was close, I almost bought those. Good thing that warning label was there. Did you know that cigarettes were bad for you?” Another good one is frozen pizza. “Must be thoroughly cooked”, really? Who the hell would eat a frozen pizza still frozen? How would you eat a frozen pizza still frozen? My all time favorite is the silica pack. You know that little bag of granulated silica that comes in every product you buy? It says right there, “DO NOT EAT”. I love this because I imagine someone buying a pair of shoes, let’s say, take them home, open them up and then they see it. “Awesome! I bought these shoes and I got this bonus tiny bag of what looks to be rock salt. I love eating rock salt!” Come on, totally unnecessary.


On the other hand, I must admit that I like disclaimers too. I like hearing television and radio car ads at the very end when the speed talker, (or freelancing auctioneer) rattles off four pages worth of exclusions at a rate that no one can absorb, let alone understand. I like television shows that tell me “not to try this at home”, “reproduce the effects of” or “seek the advice of a qualified professional”. It is even better when the television show is doing something that I could never reproduce in the first place, like seeing if a compact car’s side impact airbags can withstand a collision with a semi-truck. “Hey honey, let’s go buy a big rig and drive into the side of your minivan this weekend. I just want to see if you live.” I even like giving out me own disclaimers from time to time. “OK, I’ll try it, but I’m not very good.” “I’m not saying I won’t stop by your party, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to make it there either.” “If your mother comes over here there’s a good chance that I won’t talk to you for the rest of the month or that the police will be called to our house.”


Regardless of my personal feelings, conflicting as they are, it’s really all null and void. Disclaimers aren’t going anywhere; in fact they’re the wave of the future. You can expect to see more and more of them every day, everywhere you go. It won’t be long before you won’t be able to say, do, buy, sell, or consume anything without having a warning appetizer.


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Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 10, 2009 at 5:40 am

America Ruined By All

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This is the perfect example of tonight’s theme. I feel as though I need a disclaimer or make a statement that I love America in effort to avoid people being offended by the title. So let me just say, I love America, I love the fact I have the freedom to write and speak my mind. It is my dying wish that you can smell the sarcasm…

Which is why, ironically, freedom is on the topic board for scrutiny. Freedom, we all love it, we all take it for granted and assume it is a right, not a privilege. Let ye never forget, that which is given, can be taken away. But how much trouble has freedom caused? How much damage is it responsible for?

I think the biggest area of freedom abuse is in the legal system. Take for instance the lady who won money from her lawsuit for being burned by her coffee. That case should have never entered into a courtroom. The magnitude of the stupidity surrounding it negates discussion. The fact that it “win her money” has turned this world into a “warning label” nightmare. You can’t buy a product that doesn’t “warn you” about the dangers of negligence and the company’s position of not being liable. Do I really need to fear chewing gum, toothpaste and shoelaces? Is there really someone in the world, whom is without alternative motive, that’s going to eat a frozen pizza that’s still frozen?

In turn the world has “gone dumb”. The more people tell you, warn you, scare you or direct you, the less you think for yourself. Tolerance doesn’t mean everyone has the right to intervene into every person’s business. Tolerance is allowing those you hate to live their lives, not control them in an attempt to convert them to your way of thinking. If you hate Ramblin’ Rooster, that’s fine. You don’t have the right to kill me, make me stop writing or try to make me write about something you would find pleasing. Let the opposite be said that I don’t have the right to make you stop hating me or your trying to spread a campaign of hate amongst the populous. The more you insist on forcing peace and harmony, the more you infringe on freedom. You can’t make all the people happy all the time. Did you learn nothing from Bob Marley?

“Justice is blind.” I’ve never understood why people think this is a wonderful, positive slogan. It doesn’t mean that “the system” is fair and judges us all the same, (’cause we all know that’s not true. If you’re rich and you have a good lawyer, you’re going to get away from just consiquence). Justice is blind has always meant, to me, that “the system” is uncaring of circumstantial fact. Example; If you were caught stealing a loaf of bread to feed your family, because you had been fired from your facotry job after the company went bankrupt and you were unable to find other work, you would be facing the same punishment as a person who stole a loaf of bread that was high on crack and thought it was a designer purse.

Some days it feels as though you can’t do anything. You can’t smoke, beat your kids, look at dirty pictures, eat food that was made in a factory that had a bag of peanuts sitting in the desk of the floor manager’s office, etc. Americans live in fear of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, the next thing to fear. Even people who love each other want to kill each other at times. There’s no way to be one, big, happy family.

Conflict is the spice of life. Without it we’d all complain about how nice everything was. How horrible would that day be?

Do you really want to ruin happiness by making the world a happy place?

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 26, 2008 at 6:23 am