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Posts Tagged ‘love a tin box full of brownies

Taking It All In

with 24 comments

Please note this is not a review of the 1997 adult film.


This week I was driving around the outskirts of my hometown. All of a sudden I blew a tire out on my car. Whoa, talk about scary! I was driving with my knee trying to roll a doobie while reaching into the back seat to get another beer, so it was kind of hard to keep control of the vehicle.


I got out and surveyed the tire. I went to the trunk to get the spare when I realized that I had removed the spare in order to make room for my custom woofer-box that pumps 440,000 watts through 118 speakers. Yes, it is worth it even in this unfortunate incident. [Note to self: put spare tire in back seat.]


Oh well, I thought. I’ll just hoof it to the nearest gas station and call a tow truck. This thought came after the realization that I had placed my cell phone on the roof of the car when I left the strip club to pick my mom up for her doctor’s appointment. [Note to self: replace cell phone.]


Not knowing where a gas station is, because my car runs on banana peels and soles from Chuck Taylor’s, I started off in a random direction, which lead me to a giant hill.


After climbing the six foot, three strand barb wire fence, clearly marked, “Do Not Enter”, I climbed to the top of this great peak. Once atop the mountain I saw a great valley filled with seagulls. Which I thought was very interesting since I live 22,000 miles from any body of water.


What was even more interesting was the large dump truck looking vehicles and bulldozers. My guess is that they were preparing the grounds of what I believed to be some kind of Midwest seagull sanctuary.


It really looked like their work was cut out for them too, because the ground was covered in plastic and refuse. I thought this was an odd place for a bird sanctuary, but the seagulls certainly didn’t mind. They appeared to be in hog heaven. They didn’t even seem to be afraid of the bulldozers.


I sat down on the top of the hill and just breathed in the wonderment of man and nature blending together so well, so harmonious, so loving. It really is a wonderful world we live in.


If you would like to donate to the Midwest seagull sanctuary, please send your check or money order to the Walcomb county waste management department. [Note to self: Write letter asking why they’d call the bird sanctuary a land fill.]



Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster



—Riddle Me Rooster—


The answer to last weeks riddle was “Anything you want, he can’t hear you with fingers in his ears”. What’s with all the booing?

As always, everyone’s a winner because I enjoy your response so much. Enjoy another week of peanut butter covered orgy fun in Costa Rica on me!


Tonight’s riddle:


What do lazy dogs chase?


Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!