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After The Vacation

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As all of you don’t know, I just got back from a four day vacation in sunny Florida. Which is in the United States, I think? Never mind the fact that it wasn’t very sunny, nor was it as warm as it should have been. Somehow my inner-nightmarish-all-around-unseasonably-bad-weather-travel agent was in full effect because it was cold, (for Florida). We’re talking between 60 and 70 degrees and windy. Not ideal for a winter getaway. If I wanted a cool breeze and moderate warmth, I would have stayed on the couch.


Anyway, I just got back from Florida and boy, is my ass tired. Whoops, wait, that didn’t come out right. I just back from a vacation and I need another vacation. (Nah, too old). I just got back from Florida and it was a great trip, (how’s that?).


I’ll try not to bore you too much with details about the trip, (because I figure what do you really care about my vacation). So I’ll just give you a couple of bullet points.


         Traveling along US-1 between Key Largo and Key West sucks like I never thought driving could suck. The fastest speed is 55 miles per hour. 55! There are a lot of places that are 45, (some due to construction, some due to small, little, cities, which apparently are spaced about every six miles). At night, you pass through an “Endangered Species” area and the speed limit is 35 miles per hour. That’s right, 35, on a highway! If that wasn’t bad enough, the highway is literally crawling with sheriffs and highway patrol. The sign that says, “Don’t Even Think About Speeding” is no joke.

         Alligators are incredibly boring to watch in captivity. Interesting to see something that big with its reputation for being a man killer, but watching them lying in the sun is comparable to watching paint in a can, (yes it’s worse than watching it dry). Five minutes is about all you need to “catch” all the action.

         Air boat rides are awesome!

         South Beach is insane. Small town folk need not go there for any reason. Some “big city” things are best left to “big city” folk.

         The word “beach” is used with a very broad stroke.

         Pastels are a very unique way of painting every inch of a state.

         Every street has one of the following words in it: Coconut, Palm, Beach, Sand or Sun. In the same right, there shouldn’t be a Michigan Avenue, it just doesn’t fit.

         Fish for breakfast? Seriously?

         I love key lime pie

         Every joke that has ever been written, told or thought of about air travel is completely, 100% true.


The thing that I found most curious, about myself really is that after getting off the plane and being back home, as I was walking to the car, it occurred to me, I’ve never lived anywhere that people visit or vacation. Is that lame or wonderful?


Maybe that’s why my travel advice is worthless?


Egg On!

Ramblin Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

January 19, 2009 at 5:43 am

Traveling Difficulties

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Traveling, for most of us, is an everyday occurrence. Whether it’s to the store for milk or to visit your cousins on the other side of the world, traveling is something we all have to do at some point in our life. So what’s the problem with traveling?

Some people might say it’s deciding where to go, what to do or when to travel. Others may say that budgeting for travel is difficult. For me, it’s getting out the door. Perhaps it’s my “last minute” lifestyle or a demonic curse that I picked up in the early nineties at a party or something. Either way, the act of getting out the door seems to be near impossible.

I do great packing. Not only am I light packer, but I possess a supernatural ability to place bags in a car to maximize the benefit of small spaces or to accommodate placing bags that that have a certain level of importance, (like a diaper bag, or the wife’s makeup bag, etc.). I’m awesome with directions and I almost always find where I’m going. If I do find myself lost or confused, I will ask for help or directions. I have never understood why some people feel that they’re above asking for directions. Maybe if it was because they were afraid of being told wrong directions on purpose I could understand, but I doubt that is the case for why those people can’t ask for help.

It just seems like I can never fully commit to thinking it’s alright to leave. I either think I need to try and go to the bathroom once more time, (because I am one of those psychos that hates stopping once I get going) that I’m forgetting something, that I should check something, (like did I leave the stove on boiling a live chicken?). I make multiple trips in and out of the house. I walk around aimlessly in the house. I stand still and pose in the thinking position. None of which ever yield anything. It’s not until I’m an hour away that I’ll remember that I forgot something.

I gotta go…

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 22, 2008 at 4:29 am