I Know Something You Don’t Know

Since you don’t know me personally, there’s no way for you to tell that I am filthy rich. There’s no way to write rich, so how could you have guessed? Well, maybe if my blogs were about rich stuff, like… um… boats or caviar or… OK, I’m not rich, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t burn money.

 

Now I’m not talking about burning money like I went to a casino and gambled it away or went through a four inch pile of ones at a strip club in less than an hour. When I say burning money, I literally mean burning money. Setting it on fire, burning.

 

You remember how I talked about messing with my “cool boss”, the one with the great sense of humor that, for some unknown, inexplicable reason lets me torture him? Good, because this story involves him.

 

It all started off like any normal day, a boring, life sucking, and soul numbing experience that destroys the time millennium. Sounds impossible, but it has to be true because each minute I spent there was costing me five minutes of my life. By the end of the day it was like I had been there 200 hours.

 

Anyway, I went into my boss’s office and we got to talking about all kinds of things, nothing important or noteworthy, just average chitchat, small talk. At one point he said something about me that I took “pretend” offense to and jumped up and grabbed his wallet off the desk. (Quick side note: My boss always keeps his wallet on the desk because he can’t stand sitting on it). I took out a dollar while saying to him, “Oh, that’s going to cost you a dollar.” He of course said, “No, you’re not taking any of my money.” I did in fact continue with the personal withdraw and then said, “I don’t want your money, I just wanted to do this.” I followed it up with wadding his dollar into a small ball and throwing it at him. It was then I got an idea.

 

I quickly jumped over by his chair to retrieve the dollar before he could pick it up. I left his office after saying, “Hold on a second, I got get something.” I went and borrowed a lighter from a fellow employee and hurried back to the boss man’s office. I pull out his dollar and flattened it out. “This is what I think of your precious money” I said, as I held the middle of the wrinkled dollar bill over the open flame. It took a moment to catch, but eventually the face of George started to blacken and then the flame started to bust through. I blew it out and gave it back to him. He was shocked, (no surprise) and was starting to complain about my actions when I cut him off with, “It’ll still spend.”

 

That’s when the smell hit us. It was terrible, like plastic terrible. It has a very strong, stinky smell and I was shocked by just how toxic and disgusting it was. I muttered, “Wow that really stinks” and left his office.

 

Hmm, after reading that I sound like a real asshole, it seemed funny at the time. All I really wanted to share is that money stinks really bad when you burn it. How many people burn money? I just thought it would be interesting, because I thought nobody would have been stupid enough (or a big enough jerk) to burn money. If it makes you feel better I did swap out his dollar with a “fresh” one later in the afternoon.

 

Why are you making me feel bad? It was for science.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster