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Posts Tagged ‘crazy

I Know Something You Don’t Know

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Since you don’t know me personally, there’s no way for you to tell that I am filthy rich. There’s no way to write rich, so how could you have guessed? Well, maybe if my blogs were about rich stuff, like… um… boats or caviar or… OK, I’m not rich, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t burn money.

 

Now I’m not talking about burning money like I went to a casino and gambled it away or went through a four inch pile of ones at a strip club in less than an hour. When I say burning money, I literally mean burning money. Setting it on fire, burning.

 

You remember how I talked about messing with my “cool boss”, the one with the great sense of humor that, for some unknown, inexplicable reason lets me torture him? Good, because this story involves him.

 

It all started off like any normal day, a boring, life sucking, and soul numbing experience that destroys the time millennium. Sounds impossible, but it has to be true because each minute I spent there was costing me five minutes of my life. By the end of the day it was like I had been there 200 hours.

 

Anyway, I went into my boss’s office and we got to talking about all kinds of things, nothing important or noteworthy, just average chitchat, small talk. At one point he said something about me that I took “pretend” offense to and jumped up and grabbed his wallet off the desk. (Quick side note: My boss always keeps his wallet on the desk because he can’t stand sitting on it). I took out a dollar while saying to him, “Oh, that’s going to cost you a dollar.” He of course said, “No, you’re not taking any of my money.” I did in fact continue with the personal withdraw and then said, “I don’t want your money, I just wanted to do this.” I followed it up with wadding his dollar into a small ball and throwing it at him. It was then I got an idea.

 

I quickly jumped over by his chair to retrieve the dollar before he could pick it up. I left his office after saying, “Hold on a second, I got get something.” I went and borrowed a lighter from a fellow employee and hurried back to the boss man’s office. I pull out his dollar and flattened it out. “This is what I think of your precious money” I said, as I held the middle of the wrinkled dollar bill over the open flame. It took a moment to catch, but eventually the face of George started to blacken and then the flame started to bust through. I blew it out and gave it back to him. He was shocked, (no surprise) and was starting to complain about my actions when I cut him off with, “It’ll still spend.”

 

That’s when the smell hit us. It was terrible, like plastic terrible. It has a very strong, stinky smell and I was shocked by just how toxic and disgusting it was. I muttered, “Wow that really stinks” and left his office.

 

Hmm, after reading that I sound like a real asshole, it seemed funny at the time. All I really wanted to share is that money stinks really bad when you burn it. How many people burn money? I just thought it would be interesting, because I thought nobody would have been stupid enough (or a big enough jerk) to burn money. If it makes you feel better I did swap out his dollar with a “fresh” one later in the afternoon.

 

Why are you making me feel bad? It was for science.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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April 12, 2009 at 4:41 am

Am I An OCD Candidate?

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OCD is one of those things you hear so much, so often, that you become so familiar with the word that you lose track of the fact that you have no idea what it is.

I stole this from Wikipedia: Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a chronic mental disorder most commonly characterized by intrusive, repetitive thoughts resulting in compulsive behaviors and mental acts that the person feels driven to perform, according to rules that must be applied rigidly, aimed at preventing some imagined dreaded event. In severe cases, it affects a person’s ability to function in every day activities. The disorder is often debilitating to the sufferer’s quality of life. Also, the psychological self-awareness of the irrationality of the disorder can be painful. For people with severe OCD, it may take several hours a day to carry out the compulsive acts.

Whew! What a relief, although I did feel inclined to read that paragraph six or seven times.

I’ve noticed I perform and like to do certain things in my everyday life. I don’t think you can argue that humans, by nature, are habitual. So it should come to no surprise that we all have a “certain way” of doing things and thus we all have a hint, a sprinkle or smidgen of OCD inside of us.

Here are a few of the little mannerisms I have. When I mow the lawn I put on my “work shoes” with socks. After pulling the socks all the way up, the right leg is folded down to resemble and “ankle sock” while the left leg is merely pushed down like a slob. I do this in tribute to the different hemispheres of the brain and their unique characteristics. When I put on deodorant in the morning, each armpit must get the same amount of strokes, no more no less, even-steven. If one side gets a stroke more I feel as though there is an unbalance. I take a shower the exact same way all the time, shampoo, wash face, then body. I try to step over cracks or places where the floor material changes, (like carpet to tile). Not because of my mother’s back, just ’cause. When I eat a 3 Musketeers Bar, I tap the fluff down between bites. I’m sure I could go on and on, but let’s just stop there before the paddy wagon arrives.

The point is we all have strange little ticks. You might even think I’m a loony, but I bet if you examined your own behavior you’d find a quirk or two hundred. I guess the difference I see in the description of true OCD and my own bizarre nuances is that I’m not driven to do these things. They’re born from boredom and pursued for the same reason. I don’t get upset or violent or even crazy if things don’t happen in a fashion I’m used to, but what if that changes? Who decides when crazy is crazy? Do you have to be a danger to yourself and/or others in order to be off the deep end? Isn’t someone who’s probably fine, but just has a hard time dealing with things and wants to hide or surrender responsibility more sick than someone who really has lost their facilities? It reminds me a pharmaceutical commercial I saw a long time ago about a pill to treat general anxiety. If you don’t have or haven’t experienced general anxiety in your life then you’re probably dead. If you don’t feel anxious before a job interview, giving a speech, asking someone out, etc. there’s something wrong with you and I hope they find that pill soon, (I think it’s called a bullet).

One of my favorite quotes was from a guy people called Fishpond who said, “You know what makes me crazy? Other people telling me I’m crazy.”

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

December 9, 2008 at 5:18 am

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

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If you think about it, life is nothing more than one big mind trip, (which we will discuss in depth, in tomorrow’s blog). Perspective is one of the key elements in changing the world you live in.

I’m not much of a reader. I read somewhere between thirty to forty comics books a week, an occasional newspaper or magazine and every once in a blue moon an actual book. One of the books I was made to read back in my “school days” was ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’, (on a side note I once knew a girl that thought the title was Tequila Mockingbird, which sounds kind of delicious). I liked the story, but the part that stuck with me most, (for those of you half way through the book or who are planning on reading it soon, you’ll want to skip this paragraph) was the ending, where Scout is standing on Boo Radley’s porch seeing the neighborhood in a way she had never seen it before. The impact was significant because the truth of changing your “scenery” can be tremendous.

While I was still a bachelor, I had a rather large coffee table and a four foot diameter poker table in my living room. I also had two chairs that I placed on top of the tables and this was all the furniture I had in the room. Sitting on top of tables, although sounds silly perhaps, was amazingly entertaining. The whole room looked and felt different, not to mention the looks and comments from visitors. Something so small and seemingly insignificant had a huge ripple effect.

Another time I use to park outside of a police station and wait for the officers to switch swifts. As one of them would leave to start their patrol, I would follow them. In my mind I was treating them as a suspect and was following them as if they were a “suspicious characters” up to no good. Needless to say that police officers don’t like to be followed. All of them, sooner or later, would pull into a parking lot or dead end street, stop and wait for me to “go about my business”. In hindsight, I’m surprised they never pulled me over for messing with them, but switching roles with “the man” was definitely different.

I like to approach panhandlers with a dollar out and in plain sight. They get excited to see the money and I like making them assume that it’s for them. I walk right up to them and ask if they can make change for a dollar. The mood of the scene changes faster than a woman right before her period. It’s pretty cool, (the panhandlers freaking out not PMS).

One Christmas morning, some friends of mine and I got dressed up in all kinds of weird fur coats and hats, sparkly, loud, jewelery, leather gloves and other odd garments of clothing at around seven in the morning. We then piled into the car and drove around looking for people. Surprisingly enough, there were a few people out jogging or walking, (on Christmas morning no doubt, talk about hating your family… errrr, I mean dedication). We’d pull over and politely say, “Excuse me, can you tell me how to find <blank>” and we’d ask for some near by town or even the town we were in. The answers and expressions was well worth the price of admission. My favorite was one couple that we asked for the town we were physically in at the moment and before it registered what I had said they were already moving their hands, pointing on where to go before catching and saying, “Hey…”

Some people might tell you that jumping out of an airplane, sticking your head inside an alligator’s mouth or “letting your mortgage payment ride” in Vegas is “living”. They make you think one has to be extreme to touch the virtues of a “real live”. Well, I think that’s rubbish. If you really want to go crazy, I can’t stop you, but I think you’ll find doing something small, like changing your perspective will make you see things in a whole new way.

I guess that last statement was pretty stupid, “…changing your perspective will make you see things in a whole new way.” Yeah, no shit Sherlock. All I’m saying is that I bet it’d be a lot harder to have your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/adult person friend push you around in a shopping cart the next time you go to Super-Ultra-Mart than parasailing. I even put money on you remembering the shopping cart incident long after the parasailing experience. Try it and tell me if I’m wrong.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 1, 2008 at 4:47 am