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Posts Tagged ‘death

Custom Coffins

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The other day I heard a commercial for customizing your coffin. You can get custom printed liners or go with existing logos, like the Yankees’ or the Raiders emblems. (I don’t know about College teams, so please stop calling me.) It took a moment for it to all sink in. I think it was three or four commercials past before I literally asked the Holy Ghost, WTF?


I couldn’t agree more with Al Czervik more when he said, “Two biggest wastes of real estate, golf courses and cemeteries.” I can’t think of anything more self serving and egocentric than a grave. Now add $50k for services and you’ve made it criminal.


I remember when my brother died; we burned him and threw the ashes in his wife’s face. I think my dad might have whispered, “sorry” or something.


Why does everyone have to customize everything they own? I walked by a subordinates computer last week and the command line was bright, neon-green for fvck sakes!


Having special hubcaps on your car doesn’t make you unique. Changing factory settings on your phone doesn’t make you special. Rearranging the icons on your iPod doesn’t make you an individual.


Don’t forget, “Everyone’s special in their own way”. Whatever!


If I was an undertaker, and I got a die-hard, (literally) Yankees’ fan asking for a Yankees’ themed casket, I’d cover it in Red Sox memorabilia.


What can I say, I’m a people person.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster



—Riddle Me Rooster—


The answer to last weeks riddle was “Cheetah”

Claire actually gave the answer in her response, (exactly ten words before typing “I give up”. Well, I don’t believe in quitting, so Claire, good news, you have your trophy back.


Tonight’s riddle:


What can you put in a box that makes it lighter?


Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

September 14, 2009 at 4:21 am

Kill Me I’m Already Dead

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A friend told me that they were afraid of being raped in prison and that’s why they never broke the law. It actually came up in conversation, so it’s not as random as it may seem and it did get the wheels a churning, you know how it is. One little word can spark a whole days worth of philosophical thoughts. Mortality was what I came up with.


I’m not sure how being raped in prison led me to thinking about mortality. Could be because I’d rather die than go to prison or get raped, so being raped in prison is definitely out of the question. Oh yeah, I remember it was that he said he feared it and it made me think of what I fear.


I’m probably afraid of lot of things I’m not aware of. A good example is if I was to be in an airplane and was being told that I had to parachute out, I’d probably be faced with some fear. It might be the simple phobia of heights kicking in and since I spend the vast majority of my time on the ground I don’t really encounter a fear of heights. Another might be a pit full of spiders. Again, I don’t see too many spiders or spend time in too many pits, but if I was suddenly propelled into a situation that harvested these environmental, random, factors, I’d probably squeeze out a little bit of fear. Although as I look at both of these examples I do see that death is an underlying possibility in both scenarios.


Death is kind of a weird thing to fear, but because unlike the airplane and the spider pit, death can’t be avoided. It’s like the first big bummer you face on this planet. “Hey kid, you’re going to die someday.” Well, maybe the whole Santa debacle is the first tragic reality, then mortality.


All the old people I talk to about death never seemed phased by the idea at all. In most cases they act or talk as though they’re ready for it. “I’ve had a long and happy life” has been quoted to me on more than a few occasions. A few of them actually appeared to be waiting for it for as if it was a bus and they were somewhat annoyed that it was running behind schedule. Maybe if I live to be old I’ll lose my fear about death like I seem to losing so much other stuff, (hair, style, hipness, etc.)


One thing for sure is that I don’t care about the party afterwards. I don’t want a coffin or a mausoleum or any kind of non-sense like that. Burn my body and forgive me my sins, nothing worse than taking up space once you’re gone. I don’t care about my legacy or leaving a mark on the world either. I know that my presence was like a finger in a bucket of water, once you pull it out there is no void, it just fills in behind. I’m cool with all of that, but I just don’t want to die.


I think I’m that hysterical no-name guy in the disaster movie with his only line of, “I don’t want to die, I don’t wanna die!” right before he dies. But alas, I am going to die and I just can’t seem to accept it. I use to say that, “I do not believe in my own death for it can not be challenged or proved until either one is insignificant.”


Back then I use to drink heavily, so no, I don’t know what that means entirely.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 6, 2009 at 4:19 am

I Love Carnage

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There is a world in which we all live that we need to see and experience shocking events. There are many times in which we all desire to fulfill our appetites for mayhem and destruction. Sometimes it may be buildings blowing up or general warfare. Maybe it can be a good cop bad cop shoot ‘em up flick or a bloody, slasher movie. Driving seems to be the perfect time to seek and feed your desire to see dead people.

If I’m out on the road and traffic is bumper to bumper on the highway, (which by the way is somewhat uncommon where I live. Sorry big city folks), I instantly get angry and stressed out. You might even hear the phrase, “There better be somebody dead up there” being uttered from my clinched lips. It’s not as if dead people will make it better, or save me any time, so I don’t know why I say that. Oh yeah, anger, that’s right. In fact, if there was an accident ahead that was the cause of the traffic hold up I would feel really bad. Not only for the people involved, especially if anyone was seriously hurt, but also just for the fact that it would be a jackass moment. You know the one, like the moment one might feel after walking into a room with sad looking faces and saying, “Wow, did someone die?” then finding out that in deed someone did die.

Nevertheless, the carnage of car accidents is fascinating. We all enjoy rubbernecking as we drive by. Everyone wants to see it. What happened, what’s going on and other general nosey parker inquisitions invade our minds. The worst the accident is, the more excited we become. No one wants to see a minor fender bender. We want to see crushed, mangled, upside down cars, broken glass, huge pieces missing or hanging off the frame. Deployed air bags are good and blood is always a plus. Some of us are even lucky enough to actually witness the accident occur, which would be the best way to see one, all the pleasure and none of the waiting.

It’s odd that something that is so horrible would be welcomed by a vast majority of people. I’d even venture to guess that a lot of people would stop in the middle of their Italian dinner, (Italian because of the common use of marinara sauce and its closeness to blood), to look at graphic pictures of car accidents. Why there’s even a web site dedicated to the misfortune. Yet we all pray that it never happiness to us and if we are unlucky enough to be involved in an accident, we feel the pain, headache and multiple tiered complications and difficulties that it causes. Suddenly we’re not such big fans of the car accident, but we still don’t mind watching it happen to others.

Hope we never meet by accident.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

January 17, 2009 at 2:34 am