Are You Touching Me?
I must warn you, I’m in one of those moods again, the weirdo mood or as I like to call it the, “Did I already take a pill” mood.
Is it not crazy when bugs crawl across your arm hair and you have a sensation of being touched even though technically if you were siblings riding cross-country in the backseat of a ’78 Ford station wagon the insect “wouldn’t be touching you”?
But that’s neither here nor there; I’m here to talk to you about deodorant.
De: remove, do the opposite
Odor: a quality of something that stimulates the olfactory organ
Ant: any of a family (Formicidae) of colonial hymenopterous insects with a complex social organization and various castes performing special duties
(P.S. I love you Merriam Webster)
OK…
I’m confused.
If deodor is the act of removing odor from which is found, in this case the under-socket of my shoulder, then why does my deodorant smell like spring flowers?
Deodorant doesn’t remove anything; it covers up the natural smell that drives women wild in the jungle because of my undeniable pheromones.
More disturbing is why there are insects in it?
Am I really rubbing dead ants in my armpit?
I guess it doesn’t matter.
Thanks to an active ingredient, my pal aluminum, there’s a good chance that by the time I’m 648 I’ll have developed Alzheimer’s and will have forgotten all about this silly post.
I think I was going to say something…
Oh yeah!
Ramble On!
Egg Rooster
Sunday's drive up your blog... with Ramblin' Rooster 
Great, now I can’t get the Pink Panther theme out of my head.
You sure are confused Rooster! My friend Bantu here told me all about deodorant. (Other people can’t see Bantu, but he doesn’t mind)
Anyway, there are these ants that come and crawl into your armpits making them stink. They are odor-ants. All deodorants do is to de-ant the pits. Simple. Sometimes you over think things!
-I gotta go; Bantu has new orders for the dolphins in Nepal.
Scott Oglesby
June 19, 2009 at 8:54 am
Scott Oglesby, thanks for that simple and informative explanation. I feel better now and I don’t even mind the itching.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 20, 2009 at 4:46 am
Rooster,
I can’t help you with any of your questions. I think you’re right. But then again, I think Scott’s right too, so take what you can.
I have a better question though. Why do the shoulder under-sockets stink anyway? Other body parts sweat but they don’t smell like that and we don’t need special deodors for them.
Claire Collins
June 20, 2009 at 3:31 am
Claire Collins, perhaps you need to spend more time smelling or get closer in to those other parts. I do beleive they sell a product for every inch of your body these days.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 20, 2009 at 5:22 am
True, they do sell a product for every inch of your body. I’m guessing that as a rooster, you don’t use the Axe product line much do you?
I’m not going to plan on any in depth smelling of body parts anytime soon. The thought scares the hell out of me.
What if I like it?
Claire Collins
June 20, 2009 at 5:31 am
Claire Collins, the Axe product line, now that’s comedy! No, I shy away from it. If you got hooked on smelling you’d open yourself up to all kinds of Chinese game/reality show opportunities. Perhaps you and Scott could corner the market.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 20, 2009 at 5:39 am
Due to the aluminum content, I’ve started skipping the middleman and have begun crushing MTN Dew cans into my armpits.
Once the bleeding stops, I can smell the heady scent of corn syrup and yellow #5, which, much like Axe, gives the impression that I have been out doing something EXTREME and possibly ILLEGAL.
The blood on my shirt doesn’t hurt either. Well, the wounds hurt, but not the blood. It certainly draws attention away from the ants feasting on MTN Dew residue in my armpits.
Capitalist Lion Tamer
June 21, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Capitalist Lion Tamer, this is so weird. The other day, while peeping through the hole in the girl’s bathroom at the Hilltop Mall I overheard a couple of ladies discussing how the bloodied armpit guy at the food court was “dreamy” and “totally boss”. I’m going to have to try and “cut” into my pits and see if it increases my “lady action”. I appreciate this help.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 22, 2009 at 3:37 am
What’s this about “dead ants” in the deodorant? Please explain.
Also, to lessen the chance that I will develop Alzheimer’s via the aluminum content….I use a “natural” deodorant first, then apply the deadly one. I don’t know if that will work….but I’ll try anything to not get the dreaded disease.
trishothinks
June 10, 2010 at 6:42 pm
Never mind….I see the “ant” part in your term….lol
trishothinks
June 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm