In Remembrance Of My Friend

This past weekend a longtime and good friend of mine died. The following are some of my favorite quotes, sayings or just tidbits that fell out of his mouth. I realize that none of you knew him, but even so, maybe you can find some entertainment from his weirdness.

“Who are the people that walk to the ice machine barefoot, in their underwear and t-shirt?” – comment while staying in hotel.

“Look before you beat a dead horse that leaped into water!”

“If I had a child, regardless of the sex, I’d name them Ketchup Peacock.” you’ll all be glad to know he never fathered offspring.

“I’m as happy as a horge in my hip pocket.”

“Life sucks, accept it and you’ll contribute less to make it suck.”

“Nothing is the way it seems, except nothing.”

“This isn’t really happening, but I’m sure glad it is.”

“Never confuse a dream with a wish.”

“Love is like death, it only happens once, but you can get close a whole lot.”

“War is an ignorant answer to a stupid question.”

“Life is like being in a car, not everyone can have a window seat.”

“Farming is agricultural masturbation.”

“Deaf in one ear can’t hear out the other.”

“There’s something deep inside each and every one of you that makes me sick.” – part of his graduation speech.

“You’re listening to the smooth sounds of heavy metal.”

“I feel like I’ve just been arrested after a failed suicide attempt.”

“We all learn the hard way.”

“Pointing out faults in others is confessing what you do not like about yourself.”

“Never is always.”

“The only justice is consequence.”

“If I got everything I wanted, I would be the only person around to enjoy it.”

“I may not be truthful, but I’m honest.”

“Sometimes I feel alright.”

“There is by no means a true reply to help.”

“I’m pickling snot happy!”

“Yeah, yeah we all want to be lesbians, but let’s not forget the point. Children are dying…” – excerpt taken from a party.

“A conversation will not last long if one of the parties involved is secreting gas.”

“I’m so #&$*ed up, my cat drinks filtered water.”

“I’m out to rid the world of people who wear leather pants. Except hot chicks, they’re OK and rock stars I guess… oh and bikers probably.”

“You want something to do? Try flexin’ your belly button.”

“Cops are just like regular people, except they’re cops.”

“I wish I was a hip pocket salesman.”

“Deaf people are really loud.”

“Looking at the world through bloodshot eyes.”

“You ever make someone see your idea so much that they took it as their own?”

“The truly happy people are the ones with nothing to do.”

“The time is coming for me to go and I will leave.”

How true that last one is. You’ll be missed, may you rest in peace.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster